Tuesday 17 March 2009

Lets Lighten the Gloom

Lest my rather gloomy last two blogs set too much of a pattern, Grumpy Old Ken or no Grumpy Old Ken I thought I'd better lighten the mood.
Glancing through the Times this month I noticed the laptop that can be programmed to show a message on screen, continuous and irremovable after it has been stolen. But much more fun, it can also be programmed to shout out messages chosen by you. Now there's an opportunity. Fancy your voice shouting out messages, in public the first time the thief switches on. Its almost worth letting it be stolen.
We live in a very technological world but it does not always provide answers. The RSPCA is having problems taming abandoned dogs. They are appealing for people to read to them. A spokesperson for a Nottingham shelter said, 'Some people might feel uncomfortable reading big novels to dogs, so they might prefer a story book.'
There is evidence that horse's milk was an important part of Botai life between 3700 and 3100 BC. (Now part of Kazakhstan) Evidently it is still drunk there, fermented into a mildly alcoholic drink known as koumiss. It may seem strange to us in the west but a variety of animal milk is drunk throughout the world. Sheep, yak, goat, buffalo, all figure in different parts of the world. Camel milk is evidently salty but good for you. (Heather Mills in 2007 suggested we all drink rat's milk as cattle emit too much carbon.)
Three different stories. Now I have always been amazed at the wit and invention of fellow bloggers so I suggest a little competition.
One, what would your message be on the stolen laptop.
Two, reading materials wanted, what would you read to abandoned dogs.
Three, If the Milk Marketing Board decide to encourage us to drink more horse's milk, what do you suggest their slogan should be.

(Normally we rush through blogs and discard quickly. I will let this small comp run alongside my next blog so anyone interested has a week to do any or all. I am also on a learning curve so to speak thus any response will be interesting. My apologies to those experts out there who set this sort of thing regularly and therefore know exactly what they are doing. You will be pleased to know there is no chance of me joining you on a regular basis.)


® ♫ The Brit ♪ ® said...

Hi Ken,
O.k. here goes my ideas:

Message on Laptop:
"Help! I'm lost! take me back to my Daddy!"

Book to read to abandoned dogs:
"P.S. I Love You"

Slogan for horse's milk:
"Drink a glass of horse's milk a day and go like a thoroughbred!"

Kit Courteney said...

Ooooh, something to think about!

If I can remember to think about it, I jolly well shall.

Why is it that memory starts to decline exactly when one starts to 'blossom' as an individual...? It's ok, that's not a quiz question. Just something that buzzes around my head from time to time... when I rememeber.

Anonymous said...

Laptop message:
"If you can make Vista work, you can keep the laptop"

Book for dogs:
Probably a hooror stry. Maybe the book version of the stageplay Cats.

Horses Milk slogan:
"It may look like piss but it's quite nice actually"

Mean Mom said...

Oooh! Oooh! No, mind's gone blank.....

I suppose that The Hound of the Baskervilles would just give the dogs ideas, wouldn't it?

Kitty said...

I'm afraid the message my laptop would speak if someone nicked it, is not the sort of language you'd want on your blog. Suffice to say, my laptop is very valuable to me.

The book ... hmmmm, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime? I loved that book - any excuse to read it again.

No idea on the slogan, sorry!


Eddie Bluelights said...

Hi Grumpy, or is it Ken?
At last I've managed to find your blog. Blame the wife because she thinks the blooming map always faces due North and her navigation is terrible!

Laptop answer: "Hello there!" This is not me but a thief! Please make a citizen's arrest and then call a policeman to bang this thief up, thankyou!"

Dog Novel: Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midnight sun! Sorry that was a song so try,yes here it is:
"One hundred and one Dalmations"
I know that's a film but first it must have been a book.

Slogan horses milk:
Pull the udder one! Who drinks horses' milk! Oh they did in 3000BC. Well if it good enough for them, It's good enough for you. Cheers!

Unknown said...

I can't decide what my laptop would shout, but I'm envisioning the howlers from Harry Potter.

the book would be "How Joe the Bear and Sam the Mouse Got Together", a childhood favorite of mine.

and the slogan? "don't Naaaayyy say it! it's good!"

I really enjoy your blog:)

Anonymous said...

I'm for the Harry Potter howler too. Preferably on continuous mode howling, "thieving Ba$%ard"


Marian Dean said...

Hi Ken
Sorry I am a bit behind your other readers, trying to keep up here.

Right No 1
"Help Rape" .... continuously

No2. The tale of two Kitties ( That's right isn't it?)

Drink our horse milk and you too will have a face like Red Rum.

Love and laughter Granny

Phil Lowe said...

Rats milk, yeah I could really go for that. (pukes)lol

Phil Lowe said...

My computer would shout: You owe the city library £275.39 and if you don't go in and pay right now the SAS will arrive at your house in three hours guns blazing!' or 'the milkman is going to stop delivering' something equally as threatening.

Nota Bene said...

Well my laptop would say out load, 'You've got a small willy'

My book for the dogs would be '101 uses of a dead cat'

And for the horses milk 'Red Rum, no white milk!'

Eternal Worrier said...

Hey Ken. I think I’d rather the dog read to me, it would be a great party trick. Always fancied having a Great Dane that could walk on his back legs. I’d train him to open the front door. He would probably wear a top hat. Sorry...gone a bit off topic there. I’d read Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s ‘Hound of the Baskervilles.’

Unknown said...

Glad you've found my blog and thanks for your comments. I try and take reasonable photos. No expert, just a budding amateur. I spend my lunch hour tramping round Nottingham city centre in search of that elusive interesting shot. Perhaps you might add my site to your blog roll as a favourite, and hope you enjoy my future posts and the 900 odd previous ones.

Linda said...

For the dogs, How about "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time" Should get them thinking!

Rosaria Williams said...

Message on laptop: "will bite unless it recognizes the owner"

Book for dogs: ?

Slogan for horse's milk: "You too will be fast and slim"

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Hi Ken - my ideas as follows:

1. HELP (loudly and continuously)

2. Old Possums Book of Practical Cats, or maybe Peter Rabbit.

3. Go to work on a Pinto.

Great idea for a comp by the way.


Grumpy Old Ken said...

Thanks to you all for commenting. I'll be honest,I couldn't do it myself so its a bit of a cheek expecting someone else to do what I can't.
All of you give yourself a prize.