Saturday, 21 March 2009

Mad as a March Hare weeks 1 and 2

Still collecting (see blogs dated 6th February and 6th March) ) and already March fulfills it promise as 'Mad March'.
For instance, a the story of the cannibal on the bus in Canada. Do you remember Jasper Carrott doing a sketch concerning 'The nutter on the bus'. (Now that's non PC nowadays for a start.) How the oddities than travel on buses invariably sat next to him. I know the feeling. But the chap on the Canadian bus was ultra special. Not only did he cut off his fellow passengers head, he also sat and ate some of the 'bits'. I presume the rest of the passengers huddled at the back of the bus. Not funny but I couldn't help noticing that a judge solemnly recorded that the passenger was to be judged insane. Really, you don't say, thats almost normal on some of the school buses round here. I know, I know you shouldn't laugh at such things but if you didn't laugh you'd cry.
Moving swiftly on food figured several times in the month. Did you know that Sainsbury's in Bedford has started displaying wedges of Parmesan cheese in security boxes. Evidently thefts have increased dramatically though the Cheddar is unaffected. Signs of the times I reckon. No wonder a sign on the back of a bakers van in London reads 'No scones or cream buns left in this van overnight.' China is trying to combat drivers falling asleep at the wheel by serving free chilli peppers at service stations whilst the Indian Army no longer has snake on the menu of its survival courses. (the snake population is seriously threatened.) Instead those on the commando courses have to make do with extra chocolate, dried fruit and nuts. Not really the same is it. But the food story of the month was the young lady, aged ten in Aldershot who has been fed by tube all her life, by choice for no medical reason. But recently, offered yogurt she accepted, followed by soup and ice cream. Mother was delighted, but wait until breakfast takes thirty minutes (twenty five minutes deciding what to have). See if everyone's so happy then!
What else caught the eye. The recent discovery in Luxor of the Ancient Egyptian tomb of Amenhotep, Seal bearer of Pharaoh Tuthmosis 111 by Belgian archaeologists made me smile. Purely because it was originally found in 1880 then lost under the sand. Excuse me, but how do you lose anything as big as a tomb. They're certainly having nothing of mine for safekeeping.
A desk owned by Lord Lucan recently sold at auction for £13,200, twice the estimated amount. It was bought by an unknown telephone bidder. I'll bet it was! Though it certainly wasn't the Chinese gentleman who bought two bronze imperial sculptures (again by telephone) for £14,000,000 each in Christies Paris auction, only to announce a week later he could not and would not be paying for them. How many of us would love to bid for an item costing a million or two when our bank account is profoundly empty.
I read thieves have been breaking INTO Ford open prison in Arundel, West Sussex and stealing tools and cleaning equipment. Now that's what I call an open prison! And I loved the story of the rare whitebeam tree in a layby in Lynton, Devon. For many years it sported a 'No Parking' sign nailed to its trunk. Now at long last its been officially named as a new species by the National Museum of Wales. And the new name? 'Sorbus No Parking.' You couldn't make it up; well done chaps.
Finally something for all you out there who suspect politicians are not the brightest of individuals. Evidently Britain's fire service has been called out almost every day for the past five years helping the NHS and others to lift obese people. Sad really but I thought the verbose Tory health spokesman's comments were a classic. He demanded that the government do something about it. 'It's putting the emergency services under strain' he declared with great authority. Well done Mr Mike Penning for that Freudian interpretation of what is definitely a 'big' problem. Hemel Hemstead, you've got a right one there!


Marian Dean said...

A great collection Ken. Makes really great fun reading.
Keep em comin'

Love Granny

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! I know that tree in Lynton by the way. It doesnt look particularly interesting...

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Hi An idle way to do a blog I fear but good fun.

I bet you know every tree in Dorset. Dogs always do!

Nota Bene said...

Thank heavens you're collecting all the interesting stories...better than ploughing through the doom and gloom of the news papers! Thanks

Annie Wicking said...

Very funny, but life is like that. I love your line if you don't laugh you would cry! so true, so true.

Eternal Worrier said...

Yes! The nutter on the bus Jasper Carrot sketch. I do remember it and its happened to me more than once.

Tim Atkinson said...

(Can the Eternal Worrier grow news head?)

Annette said...

There is something for you on my blog, please take a look

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Wonderful stories Ken and a brilliant way to read them without having to wade through all the gloomy stuff, (for us, that is). A

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Hi There's a small chance the main news is beginning to lighten.

Hi I suppose laughing and crying are close together. (A bit deep for a morning!)

the eternal worrier
hi If you remember Jasper you're getting on a bit like me!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

The Dotterel

I'm not as academic as you younger lads. Your comment re tew is lost on me. Am a totally hopeless or what!

Hi Thanks very much for thinking of me. My wife has to do the techno side. I'm still hopeless.

Strawberry Jam
Hi. I was never serious for long at school. Probably whty my school reports were iffy!

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