Friday, 6 March 2009

Good Old February

I steadily collect material for 'Is the Whole World Going Mad or is it Me'. (See blog dated 13th February.) You might think it is difficult to find items. Don't you believe it. Take February for instance, what caught the eye, bringing moments of merriment and occasionally horror to these gloomy, doom laden times.
You can always rely on the older generation to make the news. I thought the pensioner who hit a teenager with rolled up papers after the miscreant damaged flowerbeds deserved a medal rather than a conviction for battery. (Newton Abbot Magistrates Court.) She, the pensioner was on her way from a church meeting. She was definitely in good company. Take seventy one year old Geoffrey Dornan for instance. Mr Dornan was fined heavily for being a danger to pedestrians in Southport town centre. How, he was roller skating of course. Don't all pensioners roller skate! The magistrates said he was a danger to pedestrians, Mr Dornan said he always gives way to pedestrians hence his appeal against a very heavy fine. (£300 plus £1792 costs.)
Some of us might be old but there's life in us yet. There certainly is in seventy two year old milkman Robert Holding. To do the job at all says much for his stamina. Plus Mr Holding is also very community minded. As well as supplying milk he supplied a little extra for his elderly regulars in the form of cannabis, conveniently split into small packs and stored in an egg crate on the back of his milk float. Evidently his prices were very reasonable, as no doubt his oldest customer, aged ninety two would testify.
We oldies might have had our day but at times I actually feel sorry for the young. Evidently a GCSE science paper awarded Grade C's to pupils correctly scoring 20%. (ten right from fifty five.) Surely that does no-one, the young included any favours. The boards defence was breathtaking gobbledygook in the extreme. With pompous fools at the top the young have no chance. Not that academia has cornered the market where stupidity is concerned. Swiss doctors reported a new condition 'idiopathic palmar eccrine hidradenitis'. (Idiopathic means arising from an unknown cause.) Condition solved almost by chance. Evidently the condition cleared up when the twelve year old patient desisted from vigorously using Playstation joysticks for a few days. I would like to think the whole thing was a joke, alas I doubt it.
February, just another unexceptional month. A month in which the only surviving Mumbai gunman is to be charged with, amongst other things, being on a railway platform without a ticket. Oh for the law and lawyers fees. A month in which Npower says Westminster Council mustn't call its electric car refueling stations 'juice points' as Npower consider they have the copyright of the word juice. ('Npower juice'.) I ask you! The Dalai Lama joined Twitterati, Downing Street flew the Union Jack upside down and a barman in the Jolly Farmers, in Ormestry, Norfolk put the pubs taking in an oven, not realising it was lit.
Finally a ray of hope in a dark, snowy month. (Did you notice even the penguins in London Zoo, Humboldts excepted, refused to go out in the snow.)
A team at the University of Essex have identified a variant of a gene known as a serotonin transporter. People who inherit this varient gene tend to avoid negative thinking.
Are you one of those who 'always looks on the bright side of life'. If so, lucky you, but spare a thought for those who are not so lucky. You can't buy serotonin transporters, you can only inherit them!


Kitty said...

I am just back from a mooch round my local charity shops (yes thanks, I did well - a book and some pillowcases with which to sew). The best bit, however, was listening to the 'mature' people in the shops. The speak loudly, without shame, and their stories are gems. I smiled, and that's good.


Anonymous said...

What about the nonagenarian who went the wrong way down the A27 in his mobility scooter scaring himself and other drivers silly. The Times headline made me chuckle: "Ninety in the Fast Lane".

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Great post, Ken! Can I have that milkman do our rounds?

And, never mind, oldies roller-skating, have you seen them in those invalid cars, they're lethal!

Today I appear to have lost my typing fingers!

Nota Bene said...

Are you sure that idiopathic doesn't have a T after the o ? And surely serotonin transporters are yellow vans with DHL on the side


Margaret's Ramblings said...

This brightened up my day just when I needed it, thank you, Margaret

Linda said...

As you long as you have good health age should not be a barrier to doing most things.

Good for those who have a go

Robert said...

My milkman is 69 and is also the local disco operator! Alas, no cannabis...perhaps I should suggest it to him? Funniest post I've read for quite a while, Ken, and not even rude anywhere. I really enjoyed this!

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

You're quite correct Ken, it is a world gone mad! I heard the story about Geoffrey Dornan, which went on for several minutes as I remember, with various interviews. He was fined heavily and yet there are still people out there getting away with murder!

Anyway, great post, enjoyed the read. A

Marian Dean said...

You never fail to amaze me AND to amuse me Ken. All this information is terrific. I must have missed all the news lately!

Love Granny

Yorkshire Pudding said...

The old lady in Newton Abbot should have used a baseball bat instead of a rolled up newspaper. You will tell from that comment that I was a founder member of The Tony Martin Fan Club. Why are things sometimes so obviously topsy turvy?

Annette said...

The pensioner on skates and the milkman made me laugh.
How long has he been delivering that with the milk?

Reasons said...

What a fabulous blog. I shall add you to my list too, if that's OK!
I think deep down Ken, you do have the serotonin gene, it's just that the world really has gone mad!

cheshire wife said...

Very entertaining post. We don't have a milkman. We are obviously missing something.

A Brit in Tennessee said...

Well, I needed a good laugh, and found one here, via way of Cheshire wife.
I bet you were an entertaining teacher, not a fuddy duddy kind.
I'll be stopping by often, if that's Ok with you ?

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Mind you, some oldies are sods in the extreme!

Fantastic, silly old devil!

If they had to take a test for the scooters the fun would start. My friend can barely see but she has one!

Very good but I'm losing it. What's DHL.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Thanks for kind words

Very wise words from a youngster!
(Still reading about Darwen)

Thanks. Me rude, never!

Strawberry Anne
Thanks. I missed the interviews.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Thanks. It just shows you I have nothing else to do. How sad is that!

Was it Monty Python or the Goodies that had pensioners going round mugging people?

I wonder if he lost his job or got a rise!

Reasons to be Cheerful
Fine and thanks. I wonder why my blog shows your last one as being five weeks ago. My techno skills are close to zero.

cheshire wife
Very true, me too although I could hold of the stuff within the hour I reckon.

A Brit in Tennessee
Hi, pleased to meet you. Will welcome your visits and will recipicate.

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