Was it Really 'Orrible October? Grumpy's Alternative News.

Not a bad month for the ladies. For a start, eleven ladies in the Shadow Cabinet. Can't be bad; or can it! And Elaine Mormon has become the first female to be allowed the title of 'freeminer' in the Forest of Dean. This after a two year legal wrangle, the first lady since the title was first awarded in 1296. It is fair to say the men are not happy! Plus a speech by Katharine Birbalsingh, a school deputy head was the sensation of the Conservative Conference in Birmingham. Yet her suggestion that too liberal thinking in education is not wise was met with derision and ultimately suspension. However I don't think we have heard the end of Katherine. Mind you, Faye Pounder of Stokes Croft was a less than happy lady. Her helpful flatmate loaded all Fayes possessions into her car prior to a move. Unfortunately it was the wrong car and has not been seen since!

So how have the men fared in October? A benefits cheat in Warrington, claiming to be 'virtually an invalid was working as a gym instructor. The former Mayor of Belfast, Jim Rodgers tried to vault over Lorraine Rogers who was 'dressed' as a tomato at the time. (Don't ask why!) He failed, she received £24,000 for injuries sustained. A House of Commons official was jailed for submitting fake invoices in the name of MP's. (Why was he jailed and MP's themselves get off seemingly scott free?) And a financial director of the London Philharmonic Orchestra was jailed for fiddling £648,000. Not exactly pennies, and I notice his wife, an ex-Tory councillor has now left him. (Does that count as a plus or a minus for the ladies?) Plus Robert Johnson, a senior BBC executive deliberately tried to distort the numbers of staff earning over £100,000 a year. Who pays the licence fees, you horrible man! And poor old President Sarkozy, as if he hasn't got enough problems. Now he's got to pay 800 million Euros to the Dassault company for a jet fighter that failed to attract a single order. Makes the UK sound almost efficient. (Mind you, the figures coming out on government waste make interesting reading. Some examples of government spending, l equals lowest figure paid, h is highest. Box of paper, l £8, h £73. Printer cartridge, l £86, h £398. Laptop l £353, h £2,000. Daily car hire (Ford Mondeo) l £27, h £119.)

Never mind, chaps. Hugh Hefner's Playboy Club is to reopen in London! Hugh's now eighty four, so bunny girls never did him any harm. Anyway, I always did have a soft spot for Beatrix Potter!

Some more completely unrelated tit bits from October. Tickets for Glastonbury 2011 sold out in hours. Plus there will be no Glastonbury 2012. Do you know why, all available portaloos are needed for the 2012 Olympics; I kid you not. Surely they could have made it a requirement that everyone bring a spade! People in Syktvkar, north of Moscow are being plagued by bears. So much so that the authorities have issued the following advice. 'Speak to them in a firm voice and never turn your back.' That's OK then! Hastings pier is no more. Opened in 1872, it was completely destroyed by fire, another bit of British history gone.

I do of course realise I have been somewhat beastly to men in this post. So to redress the balance. An Indian gentleman living in Assam, Bholarum Das has enrolled for a PhD course. He is one hundred years old! A man walked into a Cancer Research UK Charity shop in Glasgow, handed in an envelope, smiled and walked out. The envelope contained £20,000. Two British cave divers were hailed for their courage in trying to rescue a man in caves beneath the gorges of the Ardeche. Well done, Rich Stanton and Jon Volanthen. And finally, credit due to two men. David Mach for his ten feet tall gorilla, made from three thousand coat hangers. And Ian Brennen, official sculptor to the Royal household. His model of HMS Victory is finally finished after seventeen years. Made from one piece of wood, taken from Nelson's flagship, it is a triumph of perseverance and skill. Well done, sirs, you have done us men proud!

Always Look on the Black Side of Life.

Having written two posts on June that were fairly cheerful I started to think of aspects in the month that got me going. After all, I'm not called Grumpy for nothing!

For instance, the idiot fat cats in the world never suffer in hard times. I noticed, there are 172 Civil Servants earning more than the Prime Minister. (£150,000 or more.) Plus more than 100 BBC staff also earn more than David Cameron. (The most senior executive, Carol Thomson earns £333,000 a year.)

Our chief executive of Derby City Council, Adam Wilkinson earns a mere £160,000 a year. Poor man, except that Kent County Council gave him severance pay of £365,000 when he quit as director of environment after twelve months. Justin King, chief executive of Sainsbury's received almost £8,000,000 last year. What a pity they recorded their worst growth in six years, lest some of my more affluent readers try to suggest such indecent bonuses, salaries and pensions are justified. The trend is that the salaries of directors of large companies are increasing whilst profits are decreasing. (BBC News, 4th July.)

The word effluence springs to mind rather than affluence. I notice a loaf of bread made in Nailsworth has up to a hundred customers in the Cotswolds despite costing £21 each. I'm not so sure about the sensibilities of that either in these austere times.

One can argue that one's money is yours to spend as you please, but is it that simple. Whilst half the world starves, Britain is in the middle of the worst depression for many decades and Cabestan, a Swiss company offer a watch for sale at £250,000. (The Scuderia Ferrari One.)

I think that what gets my goat, so to speak, is the hypocrisy of it all, big business and the rich purporting to care whilst continuing to profit massively in a troubled world. Not all company profits are decreasing. I noticed brewers Fuller, Smith and Turner showing great concern for the future. Well, it didn't stop your yearly profits being up 17% on the year, did it lads.

I've suffered several dodgy life threatening experiences over the last few years. So much so that I made a vow not to concern myself with things I can't change. Yet here I am, raving about stupid, greedy imbeciles who really don't deserve a minute of my time. So why do I do it? I refuse to read regularly either The Daily Express or The Daily Mail. What pathetic apologies for newspapers they are. Negative, subversive, biased, frankly unpleasant and pandering to their readers prejudices. It worries me that many, particularly the older generation like my mother in law are influenced by the propaganda of people with a hidden agenda. (I do of course recognise that The Sun wields great influence but I always assume, naively in all probability that most realise the Sun is a comic at heart.) If none of us ever read a newspaper ever again I doubt our lives would be too diminished. We need to know of the world beyond our immediate environment, but how much do we need to know in reality.

Is it paranoia or merely concern that makes me so het up at times. Many things in June besides 'fat cats' caught my eye. In Gloucester Cathedral flower arrangers have been told they must undergo Criminal Record Bureau checks. The usual PC rubbish. Plus the EU attempting to ban the sale of eggs by the dozen is mind bendingly dumb. A dozen is divisible by half, a quarter, a third, a sixth, try that, you metric lovers. I don't know what is worse, the interference or the stupidity.

The police had many, many chances to apprehend a rapist in London and failing to do so makes me angry and not a little sad. This alongside the case of Eddie Gilfoyle whose conviction for murder after eighteen years now seems highly suspect. The police failing to heed the written warning given when Raoul Moat was released from prison is enough to make even the fairest of individuals roar with frustration. (Yet the police had until recently a Home Office Adviser on red tape. Officially 'the independent reducing bureaucracy advocate'.)

France -Inter sacking comedians because they had the temerity to suggest Nicolas Sarkozy is a midget is pathetic but at least it's funny. Of course he is a midget. I too at five feet four am a midget. Of course you are a midget, Sarkozy, so deal with it, you power mad French fool.

Just some of life's irritations from the past weeks. All off my chest now! Do you get steamed up with the world out there or is it just me. And is it the same for my readers overseas? Same or similar problems? How do you cope with it all; I'd love to know.

This was to be the end of this miserable post. Except that I've just had four superb days in the Yorkshire Dales in the motorhome. Met a chap whose father is a lord. A chap without a bit of swagger or brag, what a lovely guy you are. Stayed once again on my favourite campsite, Cow Close Barn near Leyburn. 'Mike, the 'boss', affable and helpful as ever. Dad, Alec, not in the best of health but never one to let his problems affect others. Both utter charmers, plus their equally lovely, hard working wives; always a pleasure to meet again. Four days with my own smashing wife savouring the delights of great people and beautiful countryside. What the heck am I doing letting the idiots in the world get to me. You tell me!