Monday, 21 February 2011

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.

Most of my readers will have noticed that in my last post my wife has red hair. That is not to say that in my next post my wife will have red hair. We were in a shop last week. my wife looked at two dresses and asked me which one went with her hair. How silly, choose the dress colour and change the hair colour to match like you always do my dear.
We were in Asda recently and its massive. Now I'm not good in large supermarkets at the best of times. I managed to lose my family in Westfield on a family shopping trip. Having my whereabouts put out on the PA system when you're seventy plus is not funny. Held by the hand when being returned to your family by a young security guard is even less funny. (My daughter had suggested to the guard that her 'lost dad' looked like Lord Bath. As if a twenty something security guard would know what Lord Bath looks like, I ask you!)
But I digress, bright red hair has its advantages. Apart from sticking a toy windmill, or a Union Jack on her head I can think of no better way to signal my wife's whereabouts. It meant I could spot my wife from a dozen aisles away, very useful indeed, no more merging into the crowd. It was not the first time I have found my wife's choice of hair colouring useful. But strangely enough my wife was in fact second not first regarding the most conspicuous customer in the shop on one occasion. I lost my wife only three times. And each time I found her comparatively easily. But my searches revealed a strange thing. Each time I searched for my wife amidst the milling hoards I also 'discovered' a gentleman who was no doubt trying very hard to be inconspicuous. He was, by his general demeanour, gait, skin tone, probably older than me; he also sported a conspicuous, considerable head of curly jet black hair. Unmistakable, he was sporting a hairpiece. and few hairpieces are inconspicuous; one of life's little ironies.
I used to visit regularly a Derby pub renowned for its tough Irish clientele. It also boasted a customer whom I suspect sported the worlds most obvious toupee or wig. Ginger in colour, parted down the middle, it sat squarely on his large, presumably bald head, as if it had just fallen from the sky, reminiscent of a furry animal or tropical insect at rest. One could not fail to be drawn, fascinated, to such an unusual adornment. Whereby the large, fierce looking Irishman would look in your direction and you, in turn would focus your eyes over the head of the gentleman in question. And pretend to study a calender, notice or even the wall itself. The joys of toupe ownership; is it worth it?
If I genuinely have over a thousand followers I must surely have: either someone who wears a hair piece or toupe (not counting those worn for medical reasons) or has close connection with someone who wears such an appliance. Or am I being irreverent, as usual and the whole subject is too delicate for words!
Nothing to do with the subject really. But we went in Asda to buy a memory card reader. Reduced to £4, but only on the internet I was informed in the shop. We came out with; a memory card reader, a memory stick, a new keyboard, a computer mouse, a telephone some gluten free food, and, I nearly forgot, a television!


Sueann said...

Yes I too have seen some amazing toupee's!!! Scary actually!!
And hey...I have red hair too!!! Flame red I will have you know. Better than a beacon of light in a crowd as you had deduced!!
And that was some shopping trip!!

Unknown said...

Bad toupees are just awful and it's so hard not to look at the head of someone wearing one. I would highly recommend Donald Trump to buy a toupee as he can surely afford the best and ANYTHING would be better than his regular do!

the fly in the web said...

Re Lord Bath lookalike...apart from suing the family member responsible, you'd best make sure your wife doesn't find out about the 'wifettes'...

JeannetteLS said...

That is the worst comb over thingy I have ever seen. Fortunately, my coffee was in another room. thanks for the visit, Ken, but I am hoping you noticed that I don't write on Jetty Reconstructed any more... I just doe Reinvented Voices. Past, present, it's all a blur and one blog's as much as I can handle. Yeah. Over a thousand followers. You are warped and crazy enough so it does not surprise me--of course, I'm one of those because I value warped and crazy... and funny. I enjoy your blog.

Valerie said...

A memory card reader? Am I missing something. I must remember to buy a red wig to help hubby find me when I'm lost. The video was so TRUE, made me giggle.

Akelamalu said...

You know you do have a look of Lord Bath!

I go red occasionally and MWM likes it.

Isn't it amazing how you can go shopping for one thing and come back with umpteen? :)

Star said...

Made me laugh outloud...much needed medicine for the soul (and emerging cold overall "blech"), thanks so much!

Bish Bosh Bash said...

Love that look you’ve contrived in the top most pic Ken. Very colourful and definitely very ‘you’.

Especially the cap with the long grey hair flaps dropping out each side. I used to have a bedroom painted the colour of that shirt…and fair play to you for sharing your waistcoat body warmer with us Ken – I’m truly bedazzled.

All you need now is a flashing dead parrot on your shoulder, and on a crowded shopping day you’ll have the wine and beer aisles completely to yourself.

My respects to ‘Terry the Tortoise’ there too. I can see he’s foregone the Caesars salad to make a lunge for the edge of the table. Hope he made it to freedom safely.

And what on Mars is that potion you’re drinking - or is it just draught paraffin?

Gill - That British Woman said...

I think finding a good toupee is an art in itself. My dad and both brothers were all bald by the time they were in their early 20's. Ds is also thinning out........whereas dh has a fine head of hair.

Just be happy with what God gave you in my opinion.

Gill in Canada

Eddie Bluelights said...

Keep yer hair on Ken LOL . . . or should I say Lord Bath. Loved that . . . we live not far away from Longleat. My barber says my hair is the best part of me!! Aren't I lucky? Loved your post, Ken, and great to see the army of followers is still climbing . . . . remarkable.
I owe you an email. Sorry for the delay. Where does the time go? ~ Eddie

The Boat House said...

Hi Grumpy, You know your wife well, I commend you! My husband and our friend Luke are both very gray headed and I overheard them conversing about the fact that both were raised with three sisters, and they were amazed that none of their sisters nor their wives had gray hair like they did. Obviously Luke and my husband don't have a clue about women.

Yes, I've seen some bad hairpieces, including one that stuck straight up in the air away from a man's brow when the wind blew into his face, talk about a "bad hair day."

Speaking of days, have a good one.

Nancy at the Boat House in Birch Bay

Shopgirl said...

A great laugh as usual. I've been following but quietly.

Word verification says "bropic" by the way, oddly appropriate? I guess I just wished it wasn't there...

Pauline said...

Thnaks for an entertaining post. I pride myself in being able to spot a toupee at 50 paces. Gained that skill after an unfortunate experience in my 20s - he looked so groovy the first time I met him, didn't know who he was the second time.

No wonder you have so many followers, always so much fun to read.

Lady Mondegreen's Secret Garden said...

Thank goodness for Grumpy Old Ken's irreverent humour in the aftermath of an earthquake.

A Heron's View said...

Having being folicly challenged for most of my life, the idea of wearing a toupee has never occurred to me. Especially when hats of various designs are I think so much better :) Ienjoyed you blog and am tempted to ask whether you sneaked away from the family for the hell of it ???

Anita said...

Don't like the comb overs, nor toupees. But, I'm female and still have a full head of hair. I don't walk in those shoes.

Had to go back a post to see your red haired wife. She's got to be feisty and fun! :)

Anonymous said...

It's nice to see such an enthusiastic blogger here. I like those posts. So, I decided to follow your blog too.

Also, I heard from a fellow blogger and twitter named 'Emma' that you mentioned my blog as interesting. I appreciate that too. Thanks!


barnman said...

You're certainly a breath of fresh aire. Some call me grumpy and my first name is also Ken and "great minds really do think alike". However, If we were put on earth to help other people then why were the other people put here? You are my first blog I've ever signed on as a follower but follow I will.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Hi to everyone. I promise you I am visiting all visiters where possible.(barnman everyone would love to know more about you I'm sure). Wifelettes sound a good idea.I cannot imagine having the worry of a hairpiece. Have I imagined it, wasn't elton John thin on top once. Concerning Lord bath, if you knew my birth credentials you would smile. One day, and definitely when i get my book finished. Nice to see New Zealand readers are bearing up well. Concerning losing it, i think its definitely the case!

barnman said...

As you can see from my photo a hair piece would never be in order. I am so much enjoying your blogs and your followers' comments. You spoke about being caught on 21st century gizzmos, well I posted you yesterday and got an email from myself addressed to Grumpy Old Ken. I'm happy to say that the laptop, being a private matter, did not burst out laughing at me. Boy was my bald forehead red though.

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