Tuesday, 25 January 2011

'Fame' has its Drawbacks.

My temporary 'fame' is obviously spreading. Now I've started getting the letters. Can you, dear readers suggest how I answer the following. And when alls said and done I could use the money!

The Vicarage,
Boulton Lane,


January 20th, 2011.

Dear Grumpy,

As well as being Vicar of the Alvaston Diocese I am also deeply committed to the cause of temperance. For the past ten years I have made tours of England and Wales delivering a series of lectures on the evils of alcohol. On these tours I have been accompanied by my friend and assistant, Albert White, a local young man of good family and excellent background but a pathetic example of a life ruined by excessive indulgence in beer and spirits.
Albert would appear with me at the lectures and sit on the platform wheezing and staring at the audience through bleary, bloodshot eyes, sweating profusely, picking his nose, breaking wind and making obscene gestures whilst I would point him out as an example of what over indulgence can do to a person.
Recently Albert unfortunately died from stress after an unfortunate incident in a local supermarket. I have followed your career as a blogger with great interest. I have also been inundated with photographs of you and your friends plus telephone calls forwarding your name in particular as the ideal person for what I have in mind. Would you be available to take Albert's place on my forthcoming tour?

Yours faithfully

Rev. Thomas Jenkinson.


Rock Chef said...

So you would be a bit like a new Bill Clinton?

jacksofbuxton said...

If I lived in Alveston it would be scotch for breakfast!!

AU said...

thw point is...he asked u to replace late Albert and act like the wae he used to do for him..
am i right?? xD

the fly in the web said...

Will he contract to supply you with sufficient alcohol to be able to undertake the strenuous duties of the post?

Troy said...

I suggest you write back explaining that you have to tone down your act but you are still willing to give it try.

Unknown said...

LOL Ken! I suggest you give it a try and see what develops... maybe more stores for your blog.

Valerie said...

Point is, could you cope with so much alcohol? And would you be able to do the drunken staggering with the same effect? These things have to be taken into account before committing yourself to a new role ... but think of the material you'd acquire for your blog... you'd be Blog of Note several times over.

BeautifulMystery said...

That's kind of creepy...

Moannie said...

What a wheeze! Truth is, we can't spare you, even for such an altruistic job.

I found the drunk man video truly sad...though quite funny.

Moannie said...

What a wheeze! Truth is, we can't spare you, even for such an altruistic job.

I found the drunk man video truly sad...though quite funny.

CWMartin said...

I guess it would depend how much of a reputation you'd like to have the rest of your life (or what kind).

Kristen Victoria said...

LOL that video is hilarious!

Heather said...

I suggest:
Dear Vicar:
I feel it my moral and spiritual duty to help you with this great cause. May my overindulgence make many see the light! It will be a great sacrifice, but I will do it for the great good...


GrumpyRN said...

I have always said there are jobs out there if people would only look!

Saz said...

whoa you a blogger of note...and your followers have gone stratospheric....

best of luck dealing with it...i know mum/moannie's blog went wild for a time...

saz xx

lola lo said...

Hi there, I am a recent follower and would like to say i very much enjoy reading your blog.
As for the job offer, I think you should go for it! It's a fantastic opportunity to travel whilst taking part of one of your favourite pass-times!
And thank you for that video, truly one of the funniset pieces of footage I have ever seen! x


Our Life In A Caravan said...

Hi Ken but in this rapidly decreasing job market, Ive beaten you to it and have now been confirmed the Vicars new side kick! Hope you dont mind!

Janine Grey said...

Personally, I wouldn't do it. Especially with the effects it could have, whether you'd really be drunk or just acting drunk.

etoile said...

I am so confused. Is this real?

ILoveMyDogandMy Music said...

It's difficult to ascertain whether the writer is serious or it's all "tongue in cheek"..Anyway, being so famous and receiving so much mail will definitely keep you on your toes. Let us know what you decide regarding the invitation.

Nota Bene said...

I too have been following your blogging career. You are indeed the perfect candidate and I think you should accept immediately. Your wife and family will be relieved :-)

MoniLit said...

Is there a p.s. explaining exactly what happened at the Supermarket? I would like to know so I can avoid death from stress. :)

sleepinl8 said...

for real? oh wow... i just had a vision that one of your former students happened to be in the audience at the time, and they recognized you LOL. but, knock on wood, that won't happen.

The bike shed said...

I can see you on stage already Ken.

hey you said...

Concerning the Vicar and the job. First establish the following: (1) Is it necessary to be drunk to do the job? (2) If so, who buys the rounds?

I'd offer to be your manager but Australia is too distant for regular conferences. Good luck in the new career.

Lakeland Jo said...

that video is rather compulsive viewing- the music goes well with it. X

Eddie Bluelights said...

Dear vicar,

I'm not as think as some teeple peep I am and the stander I long here the drinker I get!

Maybe you have the right man!!


How about that for a reply?

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Rock Chef
Don't you like Bill. He's certainly not easily 'phased'!

I've had friends that do just that. Both now deceased!

You're right. 9It's not real, Amanda)

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Fly in the web
Good point!

very good, better than teaching!

But would I be in aondition to write?

But would I live over a month?

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Hi and welcome.Creepy, I hope not!

I agree with you, the mind boggles.

ah, but you dont know of my present reputation!

Hi, welcome, i agree though it made me wince!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Hi and welcome. Very good!

Very witty, will you be my stand in?

Hi and welcome. It seems to have settled down but numbers of visiters are up but not madly so.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Lola lo
Hi, welcome and thanks!

Our life in a caravan.
Bugger, so now I'll move into your caravan, that will shake you!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

etoile and Ilovemydog

Hi to you both. Dont worry, its just the English sense of humour!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Janine grey
Hi and welcome. You dont need to act drunk when youre really drunk!

you have the advantage over the newcomers of really knowing me!

hi and welcome
It must be the prices or is it thr VAT?

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Hi and welcome
Hi and welcome. Blast, I never thought of that. Will have to think of a disguise.

Another one that knows me!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Welcome. I reckon some of your compatriates would be equally as good as me, true? Or are Aussies much maligned re drinking!

Lakeland Jo

The supermarket scene was filmed in Windemere. (Only kidding!)

Eddie. Brilliant! Will re-read your e-mails now the dust has settled.

Kid Rock Tickets said...

NICE POST! I'm glad I found this blog!!

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