Tuesday, 29 December 2009

The Season for Awards Another Good Year.

December tends to be the month for awards. So before I do my last alternative news for the year I thought it might be nice to review the years events according to 'Grumpy's Alternative News.' How many do you remember I wonder. (First Alternative News was published February 2009)

The Stupidest People of My year.
Remember the young lady trying to inject heroin whilst driving down the M4 at 90mph. Or the young man who did the armed robbery using his car with a personalised number plate. He got twelve years, by the way.
The forgers whose £20 notes had Boy George on the watermark weren't too sharp, neither was the Oldham Athletic mascot who fell off his bike doing wheelies in front of the crowd and had to be taken to hospital. The latter silly yes, but not dangerous, (except to himself) unlike the aircrew scuffling on an Air India flight as the plane flew unaided. And you wonder why I have never flown and have no immediate plans to do so. And lastly the benefits Officer convicted of claimed disability allowances whilst entering breakdancing competitiond showed the cheek of the devil.

Organisations who made us Wonder
At times it seemed the larger the organisation, the stupider their actions. remember McDonalds taking on a Malayan restaurant because it called itself McCurry's. I ask you! And Marks and Spencer putting an extra £2 on bras larger than a DD. They too lost, as did Marks and I'm still not sure what a DD is!
The Welsh authority who decided Spotted Dick was henceforth to be called Spotted Richard (they too backed down) and the pompous Polish polititian (how about that for alliteration!) who complained because his local zoo had bought a 'gay' elephant.
The Scout Associations ruling that scouts could not take their knives to camp stank of political correctness whilst the noise abatement order on a cockerel in Hertfordshire is sadly a sign of the times. Plus I'm not too impressed by Southport Councils conviction of a pensioner for roller skating in the town. Lighten up, Southport for goodness sake. Talking of pensioners, the geriatric milkman selling cannibis with his pints made me smile. I know it shouldn't but it did so there! Plus I'd have loved to have seen the policeman's face when the old lady put a hand grenade she had found on the counter.
A good year. Each month I expect to find nothing and up they turn, as rare as greedy politicians.
Finally three more saucy reminders of an excellent year. Sorry ladies, it's a man thing, but I bet they made some of you smile too.
The electric cables in Lincolnshire put out of action by a balloon carrying, of all things, a black thong. The young lady in the USA, the partner of a twin who suddenly realised on this particlar evening her partner in bed had no tattoo on his buttocks. And finally the story of the Berlin authorities who decreed that prostitutes, licenced in Germany should give a discount for customers who arrive by bicycle. Well done, Berlin, there is a recession after all!
December's Alternative News to follow shortly. A happy and peaceful new year to everyone.


Eddie Bluelights said...

Brilliant Ken - I just love these things you write like this! LOL
I will be back for the alternative news ~ Eddie

Anita said...

Thanks Ken - that was funny! Makes me anticipate the "year in review" here in the states.

the fly in the web said...

That was a treat to read..it made me laugh so much that I forgot to be sour and grumpy.

Sueann said...

Fabulous post!! Oh and DD means Downright Dangerous!!! There is also "G", "H", "I", and "J". Just thought you would like to know.'
Happy New Year

Shammickite said...

Truly amazing, what happens out there in the real world! I love the idea of having Boy George's image on twenty pound notes, but the forgers got the denomination wrong, should have been nine bob notes, what a joke!

AGuidingLife said...

hey - good one!

happy new year x

Von said...

Ha,ha! A good giggle, not all us old girls are so PC we can't have a giggle at life and all it's wonderful meanderings.Berlin and the bikes did amuse me but since this is a family blog best not to go there!Happy New Year Ken, here's to another year of grumpiness!
Some blogs are just a read,some inform or enrage but some enhance life..yours is on of the last category.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Happy New Year, Ken, to you and yours!

Kit Courteney said...



Thank you!

Happy New Year ;0)

Troy said...

The first comment of 2010!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Thanks as always.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Thanks .

Grumpy Old Ken said...

fly in the web
Ta. You, grumpy on occasion. Honest?

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Ta. You live and learn!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Ta. Very witty!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Thanks and the same to you.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Thanks. Very good. What do you call old. 'us old girls' ?

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Thanks and the same to you.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Different, yes but also sane!
Happy new year to you.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Hi. Thanks and the same to you.