Monday, 28 September 2009

And There Goes September. Grumpy's Alternative News.

Another daft month. So what's new! Where do we start.
Animals are always interesting.
I read that you are more likely to see a fox in an urban garden than in the country.(Almost 40 per cent as against 23.)I'm not really surprised, we have no guns in the town.Well, not many!
I see the villagers in Carhampton, Somerset are fed up because pigs keep digging up the graveyard.Lucky pigs, certainly luckier than Ben, a labrador from Beaumaris who weighed seventy kilos. Rescued by the RSPCA, he has already lost four and a half kilos. Equally fortunate Clyde the cat that travelled 2000 miles from his home in Tasmania to Cloncurry in the Outback.(Including 185 miles across the Bass Strait.)
I often think animals are preferable to humans. Certainly not as stupid. I can forgive the lady in Wythenshawe who took a hand grenade she found in her loft to the police station, causing it to be evacuated. For the ladies are often not as cowardly as we men. But the fugitive in Kansas who took two hostages was not the brightest. He dozed off after they gave him a pillow and blankets. And did the man growing cannabis on the central reservation of the Athens-Salonika motorway really expect to get away with it? They were nearly six feet tall prior to harvesting. Plus Abdul Baset Ali al-Megrahi, the freed Lockerbie bomber had his first visitors in hospital. a delegation of 150 African MP's. It is said he looked very ill. No wonder, I know how I felt when three came at once to see me in The Derby Royal Infirmary.
I see The Prince of Wale's organic biscuits are to be marketed by Waitrose as 'Duchy Originals from Waitrose'. (General opinion, expensive and rather naff.) The Right Reverend Stephen Cottrell announced to the nation that if Jesus were alive today he would shop at Asda or Aldi. Though Neil Stanfield, the boss of Onefood-the One, also called Swaddles Organic, suppliers of so called organic food to the likes of Fortnum and Mason might not agree. He bought his produce, non organic from Waitrose and Tesco and repackaged it. Simple when you know how!
I have, like many of you no doubt a complete mistrust of those in power at all levels. Not surprising when a government decides that people who walk other people's children to school need police checks.(The government will no doubt drop such nannying interference in the light of public disbelief and mirth.)
Is it any wonder when the Scout Association in its infinite wisdom decrees that Boy Scouts must no longer take a penknife to their scout camp. Give people power, put them on a committee and sense seems to vanish.
McDonalds spend millions fighting a Malayan restaurant because they dared to call their establishment McCurry. Despite their size and mighty lawyers, McDonald's lost.Power seems for some to suggest importance and immunity from good sense.
The Forest of Dean Council falsifies photographs as evidence in a parking dispute. They are caught out but no one loses their job. Rochdale Council in its wisdom allows five minutes 'lift time' as a 'perk', amounting to twenty hours a year for some in high rise offices.
Now to confess a personal interest in the 'power and authority' stakes. In the summer we, my wife and I received a parking ticket on a car park in Wales. My appeals have been, in my opinion, dealt with in an arrogant, dismissive manner. (More later, I am now in the hands of the Welsh Ombudsman.)
One final comment on stupid misuse of power, funny but pathetic. A certain authority, concerned that children's reaction in their canteens to that evergreen favourite 'Spotted Dick' was not acceptable (they're children for goodness sake) has solemnly declared that hence forth the dish will now be known as, wait for it, 'Spotted Richard'. You couldn't make it up! It was, of course a Welsh authority. (Lest anyone think I have it in for the Welsh, the people not in authority were kindness personified.)
One last titbit from the month of September that I couldn't resist. Please excuse the bad taste.
A Turkish woman accused of cutting off her lover's penis must wait eighteen months for verdict and sentence until a court determines whether the reattached organ still functions.
The mind boggles. They're lucky not to be at the mercy of petty British officials.
Comments welcome, please keep them clean!


martine said...

Hi Grumpy
We call my dad Grumpy too. Did enjoy your summary of the month's news, why is life so full of the ridiculous at the moment?
thanks for sharing
much love Martine

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Ken, thanks for popping over to mine. I liked your summary as well. I'm trying to revitalise the old blogging spirit so hope to be back soon :)

AGuidingLife said...

If you think the Welsh Authority is arrogant, you should try the Australians!! All the same I am pleased somebody has the time to take them on and go for it. Enjoyable and entertaining read, thanks

Robert said...

Your summaries always make me smile. Thanks! Keep them coming!

cheshire wife said...

Thank you for your alternative news. It is a bit more cheerful than the real thing!

fizzycat said...

Fantastic, really cheered me up this news. Well most of it,the rest just astonished me.
Wonder if the word Lemon Tart is ok in schools these days, pc puddings.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Thanks. I can't make my mind up whether things are getting worse or better.

Thanks. It is difficult to keep it going plus we are all different.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Thanks. Interesting re Australia. A little power goes to peoples heads wherever they are.

Thanks. Hope life is beginning to treat you better.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Delly News.
Thanks for visiting.

cheshire wife
Thanks. Never mind, it will soon be Christmas!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Brilliant observation re lemon tarts.

Unknown said...

Ken - I'm pleased I re-discovered your blog. Your comprehension of the world around you is so right. Great summary of a daft month.
(Bodge's Bulletin is now "The Fairweather Blogger"

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Glad to see you back.

Von said...

The mind does indeed boggle!"Spotted Richard" indeed!And you in the hands of the Welsh Ombudsman!!
But Kellogsville what's this about the Aussies? I do hope it's the willow and leather game you're referring too.Otherwise we'll have to get very cross with you naughty little possums.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Hi and welcome.
Got a friend who left for Australia yesterday for six months so it can't be bad!

Bernie said...

I certainly enjoyed your comments and read almost all of the posts that you have showing. Your British humor takes me a while to catch om, but when I do it is terribly funny. Spotted dicks indeed!

Your descriptions of your impatience and angst over little things are something we can all relate to. The devil is in the details.

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