Good Old November. Grumpy's Alternative News.

We're nearly there, Christmas, seems to have been coming for ever. Not that Santa at a family event in Evesham noticed. 'He was inept, sullen and uncommunicative' said the Evesham Market Town Partnership manager who had set him on. Sounds about right. At least they got their money back. A raffle was held in Kirkham Prison, Lancashire, the main prize being a day out. Great, except that nobody realised most of the prisoners were not eligible. (It is a prison after all.) I hope they also got their money back. Perhaps we're too hard on prisoners nowadays. A trial of a man in Dresden for murder was held up because he was annoyed by newspaper reports and this made him too upset to attend. All say aaah. (He was eventually convicted.) Neither were employees at the Home Office too happy when their 'Winter Games' were moved to a weekend. So no claiming paid leave for this five hour event. What a hard life these Civil Servants lead. Welcome to the real world. I often laugh at the world because the alternative is to cry. I notice the President of the Queen's English Society says he is not a natural speller. Fair enough, neither am I and I taught English for many years. In which case you make a determined effort to get it right. You don't blunder on, oblivious, it's not difficult to get help if you need it. But try telling that to Knowsley council, evidently road sign errors are not their mistakes, but contractors who erected them.
Plus the clock on the bank on the High street in Manningtree, Essex is a brilliant example of slipping standards. (Sent back after repair with numbers in the wrong order, it has been left to serve as a tourist attraction. I wonder if the clock repairer was dyslexic.)

I do wonder at times if the populace is becoming 'thicker'. Too much junk food, perhaps. A robber in Birmingham is now serving thirty months for attacking a security guard and running off with £25,000. The trouble was he only lived five doors from the bank and witnesses saw him run into his house!

Two bank robbers robbed The Halifax of £100,000 in a meticulously planned robbery in Cardiff. The judge sentencing them described it as 'a professional, sophisticated, planned robbery on commercial premises.' Very professional indeed, except for one thing. The car used by the robbers had a personalised number plate, once seen, never forgotten. More important, easily traced. One robber is now serving twelve years, the other eight.One final news item that made me smile. The police in Bolivia issued a photofit of the suspect when a taxi driver was murdered in Santa Cruz. No laughing, please, it's not a laughing matter. But they had the last laugh, they made an arrest. perhaps the suspect, perish the thought, actually looks like his photofit!