Tuesday, 21 April 2009

A Modern Education

I spent my formative years attending school. Often non too willingly and with mixed results. As far as I remember I had eight jobs in ten years on leaving school. I also taught in the state system for close on twenty years. In the main happy years, teaching children and learning from them in equal parts. I have been in full time education as an adult twice (Not I might add 'two times'. Wherever did that phrase come from!) But nothing quite compares with the education this old hasbeen is receiving courtesy of the internet and more precisely via the world of blogging. Let me explain.
Via my blog I now communicate with people, nay friends from all corners of the globe. The technology of it all is wasted on me, suffice to say I understand (only just) that machines sort of sweep the blogging world and some, purely by chance seize on my feeble efforts as of interest, however temporary. And therein lies part of my education.
Out of curiosity I often go to the web site or whatever of some of the 'hits'. And boy, are my ancient eyes truly opened.
I write a blog (dated 9th Feb 09 entitled Don't Make a Hash when disposing of Ash) ). I am directed to a site that instructs me as to how to make 'keif hash' real quick. (sweet potato with bacon and honey are the bits I remember.) So far so good for this boring old fart. (Very relevant as it happens. See the end of this blog.)
Then I read the next suggestion. 'How to make marijuana Nutella firecrackers.' (It entails a gram of weed, crackers, a butter knife and Natella chocolate spread (or peanut butter). Very interesting but no good to me. I haven't got a butter knife!
I write another blog (Every House should Have One dated Dec 8th 08) concerning our preoccupation with the price of gas and electricity. The machine that is central to my blog indicates as to the use of electricity to the nth degree. But why are we all so concerned. Save electricity, it's easy when you know how! My blog 'visitor' directs me to a site that has the answer. With a little know how, patience, skill and ingenuity you can wire into your telephone and draw electricity that will power you a reading lamp. A cost cutter extraordinaire! Nor need you spend on expensive telephone calls. Another 'visitor' shows how to make telephone calls via a Nintendo DS. ( Even my wife has a DS which she loves dearly. I am now third behind the new grandchild and the DS.) All amazing to me but I've only just got the hang of light switches. ( See the blog relating to my grandmother dated 23rd April 08)
Allowing myself to be sidetracked by visiting hits is very time consuming. I am offered instructions on 'How to make a smoking pipe out of a carrot.' A video on 'How to hack into a vending machin ' appeared to show a young man with his arm up the machines delivery orifice. Two young men very self consciously showed 'How to see through peoples clothes' It involved the use of night sights. It was the sort of thing we read about in comics when we were twelve. These two men were around twenty!
Many of the more dubious sites are American but non the less funny. 'How to make the traffic light always green on your approach' appeals. (Something to do with magnets). But motorists going the other way might not be amused. I thought 'How to determine whether she is a hooker or a cop' was illuminating (another shows how to distinguish if the person you have engaged in conversation 'is a real life street worker.')
The content of some sites seem dubious to say the least. Certainly 'How to pull the porn star toilet prank' is best forgotten. And the video showing 'how to plant a condom' was certainly outside my previous experience! (You don't really want to know. It involves baking powder and a 'planted' condom, funny or disgusting depending on the viewer and certainly, as Kenny Everett (video) used to say 'in the worst possible taste.' )
One of the talks I give to groups is entitled 'Is the Whole World going Mad or is it Me'. There is enough material on the internet for a dozen talks. Only I don't thing the geriatrics, Towns Women's Guilds and Women's Institutes who engage my limited talents would be amused!
But enough of frivolity. I'm just going back to look again at an interesting site that caught my eye. When you cease to show an enquiring mind you die. Plus 'How to make a fart machine' might well be to useful. You never know.

Have you ever been surprised whilst 'surfing' the internet?


Robert said...

Ken, you're making me wish that I was retired and had more time to explore the net! I enjoyed that post, and if you want to email me your address, I can send you a butter knife ;0)

Marian Dean said...

Ha ha ha.!
Just as you describe it as always. Some days with nothing particular to occupy me, I do a random jump into other blogs, and sometimes my mind has a boggle at the content. I mean, sharing things that interests one is fun, but there ought to be censors of the film sort. 'PG' or 'Under 15 do not watch', or in my case 'Granny's over 65 beware... too much information'.
Well done as always Ken.
Love Granny

Another-Q said...

It is interesting how one thought, or one blog, or one link seems to lead you on a new path. It is a fascinating process and often well worth the adventure. :-)

Barnacle Bill said...

I love visiting your blog Ken, its a little oasis of normality.

SD said...

It was truly fun to read this post.
Although, I can't say I can relate to it.

Annette said...
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Annette said...

oh yes, I have surfed the net.
I once asked google for information on the planet venus, I omitted to put 'the planet' and just put venus.Thinking google would know what I meant.
Suddenly, without warning, all these ladies of the night popped up. Most were barely clothed and some were just naked.Their telephone numbers were their as well. I could not work out why these ladies had appeared and then it dawned on me, 'venus' is the god of love and that is what they called themselves.
LOL or what.

Yorkshire Pudding said...
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Yorkshire Pudding said...

I share your boyish enthusiasm for the wonderland that is the Internet. I have been a regular visitor to this cyberworld since 1996 - thirteen years ago and I have never ceased to be amazed by this phenomenon that science fiction writers of the fifties and sixties never anticipated. I could surf for hours and often do. Knowledge is like food to me and as you say - once you stop eating - you die.
Mr Pudding

Grumpy Old Ken said...

You might be bored retired. But I must admit I love it.

Thanks. I must admit i never stop learning.

Thanks for visiting.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Thanks, though not everyone reckons I'm normal!

Its perhaps a good think a young lady cant relate to the 'iffy' side of the internet.

We never stop learning! You would thing by now we would know it all. Definitely not true!

The only thing that worries me is that the whole thing (blogs etc) can take over. As yet I have resisted buying a laptop to work whilst away but it will come. (Just had a fabulous 5 days at Leyburn. Could have done the article there and then but it would have spoilt the visit.)

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