Thursday, 18 December 2008

Health and Safety Rules OK

I bought an awesome object yesterday. So awesome that you use it at your own risk. The instructions are detailed and must be read prior to use. 'Failure to follow all instructions may result in electric shock, fire and/or serious personal injury. WARNING: To reduce the risk of injury, the user must read and understand the operator's manual before using this product.'
I unpack gingerly and check for damage, for the object must not be used if damage has occurred during shipping and handling. (One never knows, it could have been subject to storms at best, hurricane or typhoon at worst.)
Everything seems ok. I proceed to remove my jewellery, rings, bracelets etc as instructed. I seek out my best non-skid footwear as advised and put on my electrically conductive gloves bought specially for the task in hand.
I take off my glasses for 'Everyday glasses have only impact resistant lenses. Plus ordinary glasses have no side shields.' (The manual actually says lense, not lenses but I know what it means, for 'ordinary glasses are NOT safety glasses.')
I check that there are no adults near to the working area as I have unfortunately only one pair of safety glasses and 'adults near the work area must wear safety glasses.'
I put my hair covering in place as suggested and strategically place my ear muffs close by in case the procedure takes too long. Taking care of course to remember that I MUST NOT overreach should I find I need the ear muffs, because 'proper footing and balance is a must at all times.' I mentally check whether I now meet the criteria required to use such an obviously dangerous weapon. I have had no medication today as required though I have been on it for several years; I have refrained from alcohol and leisure drugs for twenty four hours; I feel ready for the task ahead, if a little lightheaded. Remembering of course to avoid distractions while operating, for 'distractions can cause you to lose control '.
I wonder whether I am up to the difficult, technical, dangerous task in hand but I have arrived at the point of no return. I take a deep breath, press the button and my new, AA 4.8v Cordless Rechargeable Screwdriver whirrs into life. For Singing Santa needs new batteries inserting if Christmas is to be saved.


Mad Asthmatic said...

I love it, has started my day with a chuckle!


Stinking Billy said...

ken, where did you get the old gas mask from, and the ARP tin hat? There's more to you than meets the eye - or rather doesn't, under all that clobber. BTW, I have a new follower today, somebody from your neck of the woods, 'tideswell man' or something?

Mean Mom said...

I suppose that you're still sitting, in all of your protective gear, waiting for another little job to do with your new screwdriver! My husband has a cordless screwdriver and loves it almost as much as his powered tape measure. I don't know. You men and your gadgets. You have all of the fun things.

A clever post and very enjoyable, if you don't mind me saying so. I wondered what on earth you were up to!

MikeH said...

Ken, great outfit and even better post! I don't know how we all survived before the H&S people started putting warnings on products--it's a wonder were all still alive.

ADDY said...

That was so funny. I was expecting something more like a chain saw!! Is that really you in the gas mask?

VioletSky said...

Great, had to hold my hand off the mouse to prevent from scrolling down to the end and ruining the surprise!

Clippy Mat said...

that was a good one ken.
i had no idea what it was you had invested in.... some kind of nuclear reactor??
great photo.
santa has been saved for another Christmas.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Billy. You wait til the next big bang. Grumpy or not I'm prepared.
Meam Mom
The only thing is, unlike women we never grow up. (Peter Pan syndrome)
The only person i ever met in health and safety was the most boring, pompous, self opiniated prat I have ever met.
Yes, it is me. i was in the scouts as a lad. 'Be Prepared'
And it was all true!
Clippy Mat
Santa is for later!