Sunday, 1 April 2012

Mad Marvellous March. Grumpy's Alternative News.

    I reckon in the main its people, pure and simple that most make life interesting. Take the following, regarding 'normal',  where do you draw the line?
    Vincent Price is sent on an anger management course in Cirencester for firing a pistol at teenagers. But he upset everyone on the course and was sent back to court! Nothing to do with his name I presume.
Talking of self control, the bridegroom who set fire to the hotel at his wedding reception in Peckforton Castle in Cheshire because he was refused credit did £6million of damage. Some bridegrooms to be need a sanity check for everyones sake, bride included.
    Talking of brides, Emma Horne of Somerset takes some beating. 'Married' seven times, including twice bigamously, she is addicted to sleeping pills. So when she couldn't get enough  (sleeping pills) she was nothing if not inventive. She dressed as her seventh husband, and fooled a doctor into subscribing more pills!
    Three policemen were transferred from a Greater Manchester Police's firearms unit for fooling about with a shotgun. How old do you have to be to join the police? We all need the police but at times they make you wonder. The secure storage unit at the former police headquarters in Leek Wootton contains £113,000 seized under the Proceeds of Crime Act. At least it did until it went missing. Warwickshire Polioce are investigating. I don't hold out too much hope for its recovery. A report has discovered 52% of the Metropolitan Police force (men) are overweight, 22% are obese and one in 100 is morbidly obese. (Women 32% overweight, 16% obese and 2% morbidly obese.) Sorry to be cynical but the problems are from the top down. A recommendation from the Senior Salaries Review Body was that directly elected police commissioners earn up to £100,00 a year and if part time, pro rata. They were overruled by nincompoop Home Secretary Theresa May. She rules the part time bit makes no difference, 'Give 'em the full amount, whatever the hours!' No wonder in times of austerity, ordinary people are contemptuous of such stupidity.
(Officialdom, such a wonderful concept. The London Olympics, the 100 metres final. Of 75,000 watching, members of the public will total 29,000; enough said.)
    On a lighter note for a minute. (Several items, not connected).  The Eden Projects Cornish Pasty competition was won by chef Graham Cornish. The coroner for Bournmouth is searching for a man found dead at home. He is a Mr Henry Alfred Special-Brew. At one stage in his life he gave up drinking and changed his name to Henry Alfred Irn-Brew.    
    A football team, Nova 2010 in the Torbay Sunday League lost a game 58-0. Believed to be the highest ever defeat in any English Sunday League game. It was a good job their opponents star striker was not playing. By the way, the picture is of a Nova player, Lewis Parker.  And Mr Parker's age, sixty!
    For my Indian followers, Audi has provoked fury in India by marketing a car with a much louder than average horn. Some love it, some hate it. what do you reckon?
    A study in San Diego suggests people who ate chocolate frequently were slightly thinner than those who don't. Mind you, the research was a bit iffy so beware! A World Cancer Research Fund suggests we don't know the calerie content of everyday foods. The example they gave was hoummos. As a mere, oldish male, what the hell is hoummos!
    The Museum of Natural History in Manhatten is to hold an arachnid exhibition. Phobias to the fore but guess what the staff are concerned with. Teaching spiders to overcome their fear if people! And evidently they're doing OK.
    I noticed the house where Vincent van Gogh lived in Brixton in 1873 is up for sale. It has a blue plaque, £450,000 but it needs painting!
    It pays not to be too bright in Britain. Actress Donna Air had two Central London parking permits. You are only supposed to have one. In court, charged with fraud, her lawyer came up with a brilliant defence. Basically he suggested she was too thick to know what she was doing. The jury took one look at her and fifteen minutes to find her not guilty!
    Finally for once a sad ending. The Limbach-Oberfrohna Animal Park in Saxony had a new star. An earless rabbit, cute in the extreme. The press were summoned and fame beckoned. Unfortunately, during filming, horror of horrors, a cameraman,trying for a closeup stepped on the unfortunate creature, killing it instantly. Perhaps the bunny was deaf? They have had the animal frozen whilst they decide what to do.
And a happy Easter to all my readers!

4 comments:

Galen Pearl said...

This is much better than "regular" news! Thanks for the evening's entertainment.

whitepinapple said...

Hah! He stepped on the rabbit?! Happy easter indeed!

Violetta said...

Hello Ken: I'm a new reader from Los Angeles and wanted to send a little note to say how enjoyable your thoughts are. I love all your stories and photos about the past and your thoughts on the present. . . very thought provoking, sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always interesting.
PS
I wonder if there was a typo in the article about the "hoummos" about the San Diego study. I wonder if they meant "hummus" (which is squashed up garbanzo beans aka chickpeas; it's quite good although it doesn't sound like it!)

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