Cheerio September, Mad, Bad and Sad as Usual. Grumpy's Alternative News.

    So much to reflect on, where to begin. A couple of bankruptcies, definitely not a subject mentioned before. The Solicitors from Hell website has been declared bankrupt. (You could put complaints on their website for a fee.) Result, sixteen libel actions against them, result £150,000 in outstanding judgements. And a breeder of micro pigs in King's Lynn has been made bankrupt because many of her pigs grew too big and wrecked gardens so so she refunded the £650 they cost.

    Let's talk some more money. A road safety camera in Cardiff, cost to install,  £20,00 went off once last year, realising £60. (89 fixed cameras on the M4 in South Wales brought in £706,020.) And a £1,000,000 note, one of the only two ever printed sold for £67,000 at auction in London. (Issued by the treasury in 1948 in connection with the US Marshall Aid programme.) By the way, a survey has recently shown over 90% of Britons do not know what a BANK SPREAD is. Include me in the 90%! Talking of surveys, a recent survey by Debenhams suggested 85% of British women were wearing the wrong bra size. Grumpy's full of useful information! 

    Anything else you wish to know. Scotland, England, Wales, take your pick. A woman from Inverness has become the mother of Britain's biggest baby girl, weighing in at 12lb 9ozs (5.7kg). A rare ladybird, the 13 spot ladybird, thought to be extinct for over 60 years has been found in Devon. A school in South Wales, the Glyn Primary is to stay open for the rest of this academic year. It has two pupils and a head, a deputy head, a part time teacher, a teaching assistant, a dinner lady, a cleaner and a caretaker!

     The wife of MP John Hemming, MP Lib Dem for Yardley, breaks into his mistresses house and steals her kitten. (caught on CCTV). Evidently he leads a life style that has no regard for what is thought of as 'normal'. He thinks of himself as well above the little people, ie voters, who have put him in a position of power.

    Keith Zakheim, chief executive of Beckerman PR in New York announces he will fire anyone of its 60 staff not replacing the milk in its New York office. Evidently he means it! Tough if a job is important to you, Mr Zakheim's milk is far more important than your welfare. (Reminds me of Scrooge in 'Christmas Carol'.)

    Leaked US diplomatic cables throw an interesting light on Mayawati, the most senior politician from the Indian 'Untouchable' caste. One cable relates her sending her empty private jet to retrieve new sandals from Mumbai. Described as 'a first rate meglomaniac', she made a state minister do sit-ups as punishment for minor errors of protocol.  

Three examples of the saying, power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

    Just one or two other items that caught my eye. Deborah Hunt, an unemployed financial advisor, drove, not one mile, not five miles but twenty three miles the wrong way up the M5. She said her recollection of the event was 'hazy'! James Ellis, 18, stabbed his girfriend to death in Liverpool. It must have been something of great importance to cause such a terrible crime. Oh yes, it was an augument over garlic bread! What an horrific example of total loss of self control. 

    Finally I see we 'oldies' are more than holding our own. Charles Aznavour has set out on a three month tour. Not bad at eighty seven. Plus Johny Hallyday, a mere sixty eight, opened in Paris in Tennessee Williams play, Kingdom of Earth. Many more 'oldies', seventy plus, come to mind: Sir Michael Parkinson, Michael Winner, Sheila Hancock, Sir Terry Wogan, Dame Vera Lynn, all have very active lives. Evidently Kirk Douglas still blogs regularly on his MySpace account at ninety four. Mind you, it ends one day for us all, rich or poor. And I hope we all go with dignity. Joy Tomkins, aged eighty one from Downham Market has no desire to stay when her time's up. She has had the message 'Do Not Rescusitate' tattooed across her chest, and in case medics miss the message, 'PTO' across her back!

    Death will certainly curtail most of your activities but fear not, travel need not be one of them. William and Alice Green always wanted to travel. So when they died their daughter advertised via Craiglist, the classified ad site for people to transport and scatter small portions of their parent's ashes to wherever they wish in the world. Never one's to travel when alive, the have now posthumously visited Paris, Amsterdam and Las Vegas. And when visitors to Hawaii, England and Australia are found, the Green's world tour will recommence. Happy travelling, folks.

Don't forget you read it here first!