'Fame' has its Drawbacks.

My temporary 'fame' is obviously spreading. Now I've started getting the letters. Can you, dear readers suggest how I answer the following. And when alls said and done I could use the money!

The Vicarage,
Boulton Lane,
Alvaston,
Derby.

DE231BD

January 20th, 2011.

Dear Grumpy,

As well as being Vicar of the Alvaston Diocese I am also deeply committed to the cause of temperance. For the past ten years I have made tours of England and Wales delivering a series of lectures on the evils of alcohol. On these tours I have been accompanied by my friend and assistant, Albert White, a local young man of good family and excellent background but a pathetic example of a life ruined by excessive indulgence in beer and spirits.
Albert would appear with me at the lectures and sit on the platform wheezing and staring at the audience through bleary, bloodshot eyes, sweating profusely, picking his nose, breaking wind and making obscene gestures whilst I would point him out as an example of what over indulgence can do to a person.
Recently Albert unfortunately died from stress after an unfortunate incident in a local supermarket. I have followed your career as a blogger with great interest. I have also been inundated with photographs of you and your friends plus telephone calls forwarding your name in particular as the ideal person for what I have in mind. Would you be available to take Albert's place on my forthcoming tour?

Yours faithfully

Rev. Thomas Jenkinson.