Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious September, Grumpy's Alternative News.

Another super month, where to start. How many people or events can we get into one post I wonder, here goes. Firstly some whom I consider nothing short of idiotic.
Did you read about the woman in Devon who claimed that a 'wheelie bin' outside her home devalued her property. And the graduate from Queen's University, Belfast who claimed he would have got a better degree with more supervision. (Nothing to do with lack of hard work, Andrew Croskery?) The magistrate in Lancaster who fell asleep whilst sitting on the bench, causing a trial to collapse. Plus the judge who refused to order a soldier who 'glassed' a man to undergo anger management. 'Soldiers need anger to do their jobs' said Judge William Hart at Gloucester Crown Court. Great compensation for the victim. Some 'idiots' are more serious than others. The callous individual who abandoned an eight year old dog near Weymouth (later identified by CCTV as from Bamber Bridge near Preston) deserves our contempt. And strangely enough it was in Weymouth where a paramedic refused take a woman for an emergency Cesarean because he was on his break, then blaming someone else for his lack of professionalism. Not everything in the news made me mad; astounded yes, but that's different. Woburn Safari Park accidentally fed food meant for their animals to customers in their restaurant. A fake barrister, complete with wig and gown ran from court in Plymouth when the judge asked him simple legal questions. A priest in Madrid was involved in a scuffle with a parishioner during Communion. A model received benefits as a carer whilst working for Babestation. (Its actually a porn channel!)
Talking of porn, what an idiot was the primary school teacher in Merthyr Tydfil who made porn films with her husband and stored them on her school laptop. (She has been told she is free to seek another job, it didn't say in what capacity!) Plus an employee of Newham Council supposedly struggled to get dressed after an injury. Pity it didn't stop him competing in national athletics events.
Two entrants for the title, twerp of the month. The German tourist in Tenerife who dug a three metre hole on the beach, which eventully collapsed on him, burying him up to his neck. It took fifteen firefighters in five vehicles two hours to free him. Lucky man. Mind you, a one-off, for regular stupidity try Glenn Crawley, so-called sailor aged fifty three, estimated to have cost the emergency services £30,000 plus in sea rescues. (On one occasion four times in the same day.) This time his catamaran was destroyed on Fistral Beach, Newquay. Next time, how about, 'No pay, no rescue.'
Animal stories always interest. Tanvir, a Bengal tiger was stuck on top of a climbing frame at Noah's Ark Farm in Somerset for forty eight hours because he's scared of heights. Biggles, a Springer Spaniel swallowered forty stones (weighing 1.5kg) on a family seaside trip to West Sussex. A man in my home town, Derby lost his claim as to who owns a pet water buffalo called Oink. And man from Crawley ( honest, Crawley for the second time) has just spent one hundred and twenty days in a tiny room with forty one snakes, including black mambas, cobras and puff adders. Why, well may you ask. I see Colonel Gaddafi had thirty Berber horses plus his Beduin tent when he stayed in Rome on an official visit. (Not to mention his female bodyguards dressed in camouflage.) You really couldn't make it up! And finally animalwise, ITV West Country news got a news item somewhat wrong. The polar bear washed up on the beach at Bude was actually a cow! Mind you, I don't suppose they see too many polar bears in Cornwell! I'm not sure about the proposed housing estate in Paddock Wood, Kent being rejected because dormice, (an endangered species living in nearby woods) might be at risk from pet cats owned by incoming residents.
And just to show my 'serious' reading, did you notice in the business world Cinven have bought out Spice for £250 million. Simon Rigby, owner of Spice has set up a new company. Farmgen is using anaeric technology to turn maize, silage, potatoes into methane gas. How, by mimicking the inner workings of a cows stomach. Simple when you know how!
Finally, finally, two items concerning the ladies. Four Australian women have set the world record for the fastest relay race in stillettos. Eighty metres in one minute, four seconds wearing three inch (7.5 cm) heels. Still concerning the ladies, or at least ladies apparel, a farmer in Purton, Wiltshire had a problen, his galia melons kept breaking their vines. The answer, ladies bras, brought in great numbers by helpful customers. Evidently double-D cups were particularly useful! I make no further comment; if anyone wants to suggest a suitable headline on any item, be my guest!

18 comments:

the fly in the web said...

Do you have any idea what happened to poor Ginger?
It made me so sick at heart to think of him.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Fly in the web
Don't worry, they have had literally hundreds of calls wanting to rehome Brandy. most people are unlike these idiots.

Rock Chef said...

What an excellent round up of the news!

Regarding the Paddock Wood story, I think it is vital that we find as many reasons to stop estates being built in Kent as possible - we are The GARDEB of England, not the Patio!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Rock Chef
Point taken re Kent. Only cbeen once, camping near Herne Bay. Lovely polite people but Herne Bay was iffy.

Rock Chef said...

Hey, I live in Herne Bay!

And you are right - it is iffy...

Valerie said...

Enjoyed the shake-head-in-amazement items, but the one about poor Ginger left a lingering regret that there are still some heartless people in the world. An eye for an eye ... or do unto others ... comes to mind but hey, it was only a dog!

Happy Frog and I said...

I do love your round ups. I love the news but I rarely come across as many interesting and fun articles as you seem to. Note to self, must try harder.

I particularly like the idea of a water buffalo called Oink. Genius.

50sme said...

I too feel sick at heart over poor ginger. Those types of stories just eat away at my tummy and I can hardly bear to carry the knowledge of them in my mind. Funny though, as a younger woman I liked pets and animals of all types but I didn't feel as affected by them as I do now. By that I guess I mean that I didn't really feel terribly interested in them outside of the fact that they were cute and warm and fuzzy most of the time and I better make sure to put food in their dishes. I turned 40 a few years back and it seems a light went off in my head when it came to animals and I've grown a tremendous love for them and their causes.

Frl. Irene Palfy said...

Hello, Ken!

Thank you for stopping by at my blog (-> And then they start to sparkle) and your comment.

You are right: I would love your jukebox!

Have a marvellous weekend!

Frl. Irene Palfy

An English Shepherd said...

One of the reasons my boss avoids the newspapers ;-)

Wizz

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Valerie
I would be worried if people were not concerned for the dog, fortunately it is normal to care.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Happy Frog
Thanks. the man who owned Oink went a bity funny, sadly.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

50sme
My wife particularlt loves having a dog and reckons all women need someone to love. Where that leaves me I'm not sure!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Irene
Cheers and welcome!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

English Shepherd
very wise, your boss!

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