Monday, 11 October 2010

'Five Things That Did My Head In.'

Am I the only one that gets things in my head; silly, irrelevant things and they won't go away. Plus they implant themselves so firmly that I lie in bed with them going round and round and round. Take last month for instance. I collected items for my 'Alternative News' slot and some items refused to go away.
British Rail are introducing trains with no toilets on South Coast rail routes for journeys of less than ninety minutes. Not funny for the elderly in particular and official comments take the proverbial biscuit. You are advised if 'caught short' from December to get off at the next station, use the station toilet and catch the next train. (At the moment the train stops in the station and waits for you to use the lavatory. Which inevitably makes it late!) By the way, they are also disposing with the drinks trolley! Now I've been on a train once in the last twenty years, so why should this silliness stay in my mind?
Christine O'Donnell is running for the US Senate. Besides once dabbling in witchcraft she has a most impressive CV. Unfortunately a large proportion of it is lies. She claims to have studied at Claremont Graduate University, not true and that she also studied at Oxford University again a 'porky'. She is in good company. Jeffrey Archer talks of his time at Oxford University, but omits to say he only did a diploma course. Just another 'fibster' who claims to be a graduate when he or she isn't. What is it about famous or rich people that they need to fantasise about their lives or their importance. Presumably they are inadequates who need to booster their egos. Pathetic, but why should I care?
A man in a trailer park in Breathitt County, USA shot dead five people. And the reason for his insane behaviour? A relation of two victims said simply. 'He just got mad at his wife for not making his breakfast right, and he shot her.' Now, irrespective of the American attitude to guns and gun ownership, and irrespective as to how he liked his eggs cooked, what an amazing occurrence. I think the reason it stayed in my mind was that it is yet another example of a total lack of self control in some people. Is it something in the water, in the upbringing, the lifestyle, pressure of modern living in the so called civilised world that takes people 'over the top', causing totally unreasonable, unacceptable behaviour? Remember the 'Moat' saga that dominated British headlines not so long ago. But why should I worry. Such people are not part of my life. Or are they lurking round the corner?
The Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons recently met in London. They announced that the latest part of the body to benefit from their undoubted skills is the backside. Evidently the Miami Thong Lift is the in thing for those who have already benefited from liposuction, face lifts and breast implants. American surgeon Dr Constantino Mendieta suggests the buttock is the next big thing in cosmetic enhancement. (Note the Freudian slip.) 'It was always a dirty word, but in reality it's instinctively attractive to men' he pontificates. The 'bottom' line is, it no doubt pays very well. Now why should I be remotely interested? Is it that such skilled physicians could put their undoubted skills to better use, or are there deeper deeper psychological implications in my psyche?
Tesco are to sell viagra, and at a price cheaper than Boots! (there's a juvenile joke there somewhere.) What's their motto, 'Every little helps'. Is there no end to Tesco's endeavours. I get the impression they won't stop until they rule the world. (My local pub closed recently and is now a Tesco Express.) But it's not just their avaricious side that won't go away. Viagra for goodness sake. Evidently you have to have blood pressure and cholesterol tests plus a diabetic screening. And as a Tesco high flyer states, if men pass the tests OK, 'Then we will discuss their options.' Now the queues at the check-outs are bad enough. And don't the little check out girls have enough on, so to speak without extra tasks, or have I got it wrong as usual. Plus it's only available to those between forty and sixty five. Lots of room there for schoolboys, and indeed extreme geriatrics to provide forged documents. But why should I worry. (And of any case I don't shop at Tesco!)
Remember the comedian Arthur English. He used to end his act with the words, 'Play the music, open the cage'. I felt like that on occasions. That is, until I read a recent report. The work of Relate and Talk Talk, it states that the 35 to 44 age group are the loneliest, most dissatisfied with their marriage and unhappiest at work. Anxiety over money, mortgages, pensions, ageing parents, all give them grief. Everything from their sex lives to their work experiences seem to give many of them more problems than people of more mature years. In other words, 'mid life' crisis are not so 'mid life' any more. So what am I worrying about! I might be an argumentative, cantankerous old has been. An arthritic, forgetful dinosaur, yes. But still here, yes, just. So no more laying in bed with a head full of irrelevancies. I'll go back to counting sheep. Better still I'll lull myself to sleep with a bit of Dire Straits, for as they so succinctly put it, 'Why Worry'.

38 comments:

the fly in the web said...

Oh dear...I know people who will be all too delighted to clog up the arteries of the Tesco checkout with their forged documents...

slommler said...

Ha! Now you have gone and done it...I have your info rattling around my head!! Arg!!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Rock Chef said...

Trains with no toilets? What an appalling idea! Not sure what is worse, having to get on the next train or having the train wait for you!

Shirley Wells said...

I agree with Rock Chef in that I can't decide which is worse.
Having disposed of the toilets, I suppose getting rid of the drinks trolley is a wise move.
Thank goodness I don't use the South Coast line. We wouldn't stand - or indeed sit - for it up north!

Rosalind Adam said...

Well thanks a load! Now I too have the 'trains with no toilets' and the 'train waiting for caught-short traveller' stories in my head.

Valerie said...

Hmmm what drinks trolley? I don't reckon I've ever seen one. Perhaps I used the wrong trains. The Tesco thingy is going round the family as I type and all the men are testing their fraudulent skills. Seriously, I never heard anything so damned awful in my life... you're right, Tesco is going for gold. Rule the world and get rich in the process.

Happy Frog and I said...

Tesco is really taking over. There are so many in Reading now. I missed our video store and we really did not need another Tesco. Or a subway for that matter, they are everywhere trying to serve me food I don't need!

Far Side of Fifty said...

So..will there be diaper or nappies as you all call them for the travelers who cannot hold their morning coffee or tea for ninety minutes..perhaps a street vendor should take up in that area with some samples. All new meaning to porta potty! Thank for the comment on my Forgotten Old Photo Blog..do stop by again! :)

'Cross the Pond said...

It seems that my age group is the most unhappy with life! That's depressing and now there's no drink carts on the train - just when I need one the most!

the fly in the web said...

Award for you over on mine.
No need to do anything, it's just to say t hank you for all the fun I have reading your blog.

Dumdad said...

Another excellent collection of stories to ponder over. (You're more of a journalist than you know).

Viagra in supermarkets? Crikey. It used to be hard (boom, boom) many moons ago to go to a chemist's and ask for condoms; or a barber's shops but that was slightly before my time.

Next they'll be handing out samples of Viagra in supermarkets. Oh dear, the sight of old geezers staggering around with hard-ons while pushing their troleeys . . .

Dumdad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dumdad said...

Trolleys, I meant to write trolleys. Where is a sub-editor when you need one?

Nakamuras on Saipan said...

I would not do well on those trains....thanks-now that idea is rattling around in MY head....and Christine O'Donnell...she's a nutcase in my opinion-unfortunately we have an epidemic of insanity in the USA at the moment...

Nota Bene said...

Your news round up is always a treat...I'll be taking an empty lemonade bottle next time on the train then...

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Slummy Mummy joked about Tesco and Viagra! I daren't say anything more...

Shammickite said...

I am apalled at that toilet story... nowhere to have a tinkle when riding on a train??? I won't be riding the train next time I visit england.

MYRNA said...

Something crazy is going on here in the US. Candidates telling bald-face lies in interviews and campaign ads, Teenagers bullying some of their peers, calling them "gay" and taunting them into committing suicide, and a Supreme Court decision that allows corporations to contribute as much as they like to political campaigns. It is nasty out there. My head is so full of useless stuff its pouring out the top!
Going on vacation for a week; should clear the cobwebs.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

fly in the web
Any particular people in mind!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

slommler
things go round and round my head but mercifully eventually go away!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Rock Chief
Can you imagine running to the station toilet whilst everyone looks at their watches!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Shirley Welles
I know people that could not possibly go this long, imagine!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Rosalind Adam
Lets see what we can find for next month!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Valerie
did you notice tesco are going to Sheringham after 14 years of trying. Council chairman had deciding vote.'Nough said!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Happy Frog
You're right about Subway too, though I've never been in one.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Far Side of Fifty
Welcome. We are both clinging on in a mad world!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Cross the Pond
But oh to be your age again!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Fly in the web
Very much appreciated, many thanks.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Dumdad
Thanks for the comments. Would have loved to have been a journalist. Loved your comments. strangely enough worked in a barbers shop. Once had condoms brought back as they'd failed. What the ....... hell did he expect me, aged seventeen to do about it!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Nakamuras
Hi, very interested in your comments on the USA.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Nota Bene
Thanks, lemonade bottle, surely a milk bottle?

Grumpy Old Ken said...

hadriana
My wife reads Slummy Mummy too!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Shammickite
You need a motorhome like mine for your visit, they have a built in toilet!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Myrna
Your comments are interesting. we are ill informed over here. Hope you enjoyed your holiday/vacation.

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