Grumpy's Alternative News. July.

Firstly a follow up to a previous 'news'. The post as resident witch at Wookey Hole has been filled. Carole Bohanan, to be known as Carla Calamity was appointed from 300 applicants. Another 278 'volunteered' their mother in law for the post!
And so to July. Air and space travel figured regularly in July's news. Koichi Wakata, Japanese astronaut circled the earth 2,208 times, 138 days without changing his underpants once! His prototype pair were anti-static, flame-resistant, odour-eating, bacteria-killing and water-absorbent. Evidently no fellow crew member complained so the experiment presumably went well. Mind you, I reckon some of my class at junior school weren't far short of his record, and they had only rough old serge pants if I remember right!
Moving swiftly on, the passengers on the Abu Dhabi flight to Cairo, courtesy EygptAir weren't too happy when a baby crocodile appeared in the aisle. It was caught and eventually handed to Giza Zoo. The funny thing is, it was never claimed; I wonder why.
Plus a Southwest Airlines Boeing 737 with 136 on board had to return to Long Island because of a smell of burning. It took off again later when the smell was traced to a coffee pot. (Is it any wonder I have never flown in my life!)
One more flight story. Leadenham village in Lincolnshire lost its power when a helium balloon got entangled in power lines above a croquet lawn. And what was attached to the balloon?
A black thong! Don't go there, don't even ask!

Is it really two years since the smoking ban came into effect in the UK. In Russia servicemen will no longer be supplied with a cigarette ration. Instead they are to receive caramel sweets. I wonder how they will go down, literally. Its not easy to give up, as an ex-smoker I remember it well. Smoker Mr Geoff Spice is to spend August on Sgarabhaigh, a 40 acre island in the Outer Hebrides. No boat, no people, no fags. Good luck to him. I hope he has more will power than the customer in a restaurant in Kumkuyucak, Turkey. He responded to a request to stub out his cigarette by shooting the restaurant manager dead and injuring another man. I wonder if he'll be allowed to smoke in prison.

Finally one or two or more unconnected little 'events' that caught the eye.

Sat nav time again. a Swedish couple drove 400 miles to Carpi in Northern Italy, intending to go of course to Capri. Even if they are dyslexic, weren't they surprised that they never crossed water?

Nottingham University is to open a brewery for students on a masters degree course in brewery science. Now that's one course I fancy, even at my late stage in life!

Chris Eubank, ex-boxer is selling the title, Lordship of the Manor of Brighton for a knockdown £35,000. Interesting, and one perk is that the holder is entitled to take 4,000 eels a year from fishing boats. Surely a 'reely' great offer at twice the price.

And two items from Berlin to round off July. Thomas Cook travel boss Peter Fankhauser has proposed a way of ending the Anglo-German beach towel war. You can now reserve a poolside lounger for £2.50 a day. No more early morning stress at last. Some hope!

Plus a German man trying to win a cherry-stone spitting contest (honest) nearly died when he took too long a run up and accidentally hurled himself off a balcony. You couldn't make it up. There's nowt so strange as folk.