Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Grumpy's Alternative News. July.

Firstly a follow up to a previous 'news'. The post as resident witch at Wookey Hole has been filled. Carole Bohanan, to be known as Carla Calamity was appointed from 300 applicants. Another 278 'volunteered' their mother in law for the post!
And so to July. Air and space travel figured regularly in July's news. Koichi Wakata, Japanese astronaut circled the earth 2,208 times, 138 days without changing his underpants once! His prototype pair were anti-static, flame-resistant, odour-eating, bacteria-killing and water-absorbent. Evidently no fellow crew member complained so the experiment presumably went well. Mind you, I reckon some of my class at junior school weren't far short of his record, and they had only rough old serge pants if I remember right!
Moving swiftly on, the passengers on the Abu Dhabi flight to Cairo, courtesy EygptAir weren't too happy when a baby crocodile appeared in the aisle. It was caught and eventually handed to Giza Zoo. The funny thing is, it was never claimed; I wonder why.
Plus a Southwest Airlines Boeing 737 with 136 on board had to return to Long Island because of a smell of burning. It took off again later when the smell was traced to a coffee pot. (Is it any wonder I have never flown in my life!)
One more flight story. Leadenham village in Lincolnshire lost its power when a helium balloon got entangled in power lines above a croquet lawn. And what was attached to the balloon?
A black thong! Don't go there, don't even ask!
Is it really two years since the smoking ban came into effect in the UK. In Russia servicemen will no longer be supplied with a cigarette ration. Instead they are to receive caramel sweets. I wonder how they will go down, literally. Its not easy to give up, as an ex-smoker I remember it well. Smoker Mr Geoff Spice is to spend August on Sgarabhaigh, a 40 acre island in the Outer Hebrides. No boat, no people, no fags. Good luck to him. I hope he has more will power than the customer in a restaurant in Kumkuyucak, Turkey. He responded to a request to stub out his cigarette by shooting the restaurant manager dead and injuring another man. I wonder if he'll be allowed to smoke in prison.
Finally one or two or more unconnected little 'events' that caught the eye.
Sat nav time again. a Swedish couple drove 400 miles to Carpi in Northern Italy, intending to go of course to Capri. Even if they are dyslexic, weren't they surprised that they never crossed water?
Nottingham University is to open a brewery for students on a masters degree course in brewery science. Now that's one course I fancy, even at my late stage in life!
Chris Eubank, ex-boxer is selling the title, Lordship of the Manor of Brighton for a knockdown £35,000. Interesting, and one perk is that the holder is entitled to take 4,000 eels a year from fishing boats. Surely a 'reely' great offer at twice the price.
And two items from Berlin to round off July. Thomas Cook travel boss Peter Fankhauser has proposed a way of ending the Anglo-German beach towel war. You can now reserve a poolside lounger for £2.50 a day. No more early morning stress at last. Some hope!
Plus a German man trying to win a cherry-stone spitting contest (honest) nearly died when he took too long a run up and accidentally hurled himself off a balcony. You couldn't make it up. There's nowt so strange as folk.

17 comments:

Mark said...

Hello Ken

In Wales, where I live half the year, there is much preparation for the annual world bog snorkelling championships.
You might also like this website - full of very British events: nettle eating; cheese rolling....

http://wackynation.com/default.aspx

You might like some of the old posts on my blog which you comment on occaisionally - I wrote one about bike chariot racing.

Jennyta said...

'Bog snorkeling'!! (Must be south Wales). I seem to have wandered into an alternative universe. ;)

Abraham Lincoln said...

Howdy Kenneth, from the cornfields of Ohio where I live with the bugs, birds and beasts and one wife of 54 years. I read your post today and smiled all the way through.

Did you read where Bill Clinton rescued two American journalists form North Korea? They have touched down in America. No words or complaints from the girls.

I like Bill. He does things no others seem willing to do. I believe him too, in spite of his remarks, "I never had sex with ..." At least it was not as bad as Nixon's: "I am not a crook," comment. Speaking of presidents, what ever happened to George W. Bush? And I wonder why he didn't rescue the girls in North Korea?

Take care. Keep on keeping on.

Thanks for being a part of history. Abraham Lincoln

tony said...

I cant Imagine The Turks not smoking.If It were in the Olympics Turkey would win Gold every time!

Eddie Bluelights said...

Hi Ken
Long time no hear - great to hear from you and thanks for the comment.
I wish I had visited you earlier because I laughed my socks off at your latest post - brilliant. I'm just going to see what else you have been up to.
See you see ~ Eddie

cheshire wife said...

Life would be so dull if these stupid things that people do did not get into the news.

fizzycat said...

Oddly I saw the winning witch on a magazine telivision programme.The story of the reptile on the plane is excellent,especially the fact nobody owned up to owning it.
Thanks for comment about the cabbage. The 'old fashined net made into a bag and cabbage inside large flower pot and placed inside net method' has certainly worked this year. Thank goodness !

Dumdad said...

I enjoyed your news roundup. Aye, there's nowt as strange as folk.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I really enjoy your alternative news Ken - much more entertaining than the daily bulletins. Knew about the new Witch of Wookey as we live nearby. I was disappointed not to get the post myself though!

The thong thing was mind boggling. A

lakeviewer said...

Hi Ken,
From the Pacific Northwest, where the sun hides for nine months, we're out visiting country fairs, auctioning off 4H livestock, buying plant starts and hoping the salmon population improves. The Obama stimulus package is putting a few people to work in my town, and throughout highways and bridges are being repaired.


We hope summer lasts into September, and our politicians get together then to pass a decent health care reform bill or two.

DJ Kirkby said...

That brewery course sounds like a good idea, can't be many of those about.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Mark
Hi
Will visit more. Will also visit wackynation when I get chance.

Jennyta
Hi
It takes all sorts!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Abraham
Hi
Very American comments. I love it!

tony
Hi
Interesting observation. I bet they smoke strong tobacco too.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Eddie
Hi
Will return the visit. Thanks.

cheshire wife
Hi
Very true. I often think I wont get any news but its not happened yet.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

fizzycat
Hi
Concerning cabbages. a friend of mine sat in a layby (car0 a car drove up and put a cabbage in a bin. Five minutes later another car drove up, fetched the cabbage out of the bin and went! What do you reckon?

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Dumdad
Hi
Thanks, very true!

Anne
Hi

Thanks. Did part of my youth work training in street many many years ago.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

lakeviewer
Hi
What lovely descriptive comments. paints a real picture of life in the USA.

DJ Kirby
Hi
Evidently the course belongs to Derby Uni. Were not exactly academic in Derby!