Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Are You a Giver or Taker of Advice.

Advice Opinion as to what could or should be done.
To recommend, suggest, inform, give advice.
In life we seem to be bombarded with advice. We constantly are given it and we can't resist giving it. For example:
Moderation in all things.
If you don't ask you don't get.
If you believe you can do it you will.
Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Expect the best but be prepared for the worst.
Whatever we read or study, advice is never far away. The Bible tells us 'What God has yoked together, let no man tear apart.' Charles Dickens, via Mr Micawber teaches us the virtues of solvency. 'Annual income, £20, annual expenditure £20 nought and six, result misery.'
Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' was second only to the Bible for many years after its publication in 1937.
Magazines are full of agony columns purporting to teach us how to live with each other. 'Don't go to bed angry at each other' is probably the only repeatable advice I dare mention. Some of the antics talked about nowadays are surely not physically possible!)
As parents we can't resist it. I well remember the trials and tribulations of bringing up two daughters. Thus when my youngest discovered boys in the middle of her GCE's what was my priceless advice. 'Carry on as you are and you'll finish up working behind the counter of the Co-op.' (Our local Co-op was not exactly a glamorous place to work but it was still pretty patronising of me.) Mind you, she finished up teaching, probably a wiser choice, if only just!
My own upbringing was rather unusual. I was orphaned by the age of thirteen and from then on taken in by Uncle Walter and Aunt Clara, for which I will be eternally grateful. They did their best, but being an independent little so and so I suppose it was never easy for them. In these unusual circumstances I do not remember being offered much advice by anyone. Walt and Clara did their best but were probably flumoxed by a stroppy teenager's arrival in their midst. So I meandered through life, oblivious and usually uncaring. Only once do I remember Clara attempting to advise.
Sex instruction was not a strong point in my youth. I remember vaguely a school biology lesson mentioning the sexual arrangements of the amoebo, Only I can't remember the details and the dreaded word sex was probably not mentioned. But Clara's sex instruction was brief, non explicit but very much to the point.
'Keep your pencil in your pocket' I grasped immediately.
'Don't go on to Spondon when you can get off at Borrowash' was much more succinct, a cryptic instruction I never fully grasped but remember to this day.
I was probably in my late teens when Aunt Clara did her duty and uttered the immortal words. The subject was never mentioned again. Of any case We managed perfectly well from puberty, thank you very much, courtesy of viewing farm animals and expertly instructed by local village girls probably eager for teaching experience. Happy days!
Can you remember giving advice as a parent. And what advice you have received has stayed with you longest.

17 comments:

slommler said...

My parents didn't give me advice. When they thought I was straying too far, they would ground me. That was it! No sex talks...no all about life talks...no nothing! Guess I missed out, huh?
Hugs
SueAnn

GrumpyRN said...

My dad once asked me (aged 15) why I wanted to go out for a walk with my girlfriend on a cold winters night. I replied "use your imagination" he immediately stopped me going out because he did have an imagination.
When I worked in a local factory one of the statements girls were told by their mothers was to "keep your hand on your ninepence".

Uncle Bernard said...

As a follow up to the comment by GrumpyRN, I would add that there is a (not so well known) song called...
"Keep your 'and on your 'alfpenny".
It advises a young lady called Molly to "cover it well with your palm".
"Keep your (h)and on your (h)alfpenny
and Molly will come to no harm."

I can't see that working today! :)

Lane said...

As the parent of a teenager and a soon to be teenager, advice is pretty much all I utter. I even bore myself but I can't help it:-)

My parents didn't give advice. They pretty much left me to it. I remember my mother vaguely saying 'don't play with fire' and that's it. Probably why I give so much advice now:-)

Valerie said...

No advice was forthcoming for me. But woebetide me if I was home a minute later than the ten o'clock news pips. If I was, clothing would be searched for 'evidence' of wrong doing. I often wondered if there was a specific time for 'wrong doing'......

rhymeswithplague said...

Spondon and Borrowash. Characters in Lord of the Rings, aren't they???

diney said...

My parents didn't really offer much advice but they brought me up in such a loving household that I had such respect for them and I wouldn't do anything that would let them down...well, nothing they would ever find out about !! To my own 10 year old I say that she doesn't want to end up looking like 'that' (girl in tight mini skirt tottering on high heels and looking like a slapper)and she says 'no, I don't want to be a jam tart do I, Mummy?' with the breathtaking innocence of that little girl which will, in just a few years, be a distant memory...

Gill - That British Woman said...

nothing comes to mind at the moment. Glad you're back to blogging and feeling a bit better.

Gill in Canada

Grumpy Old Ken said...

slommler
Hi
Grounding, now theres a modern answer. My neighbours children used to climb out of the upstairs window when they were grounded!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Grumpy RN
Hi
Do you know, I've never heard of the ninepence thing. Which area is it from, I wonder.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Uncle bernard
Hi
I have a friend whose son's marriage was cnever consummated. On the Derby ringroad its generally a first night job I fear!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Lane
Hi
Very honest. PS I had no idea your children were so grown up!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Valerie
Hi
Crikey, someone was 'on the ball' so to speak. Didnt do you any harm I guess!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

rhymes with plague.
Hi
Never read the books in question to my shame. Ockbrook, Borrowash and Spondon are the Derbyshire villages where I roamed free in my youth!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

diney
Hi
Tremendous. I too brought up girls. frightening at times. Never went to sleep before they were in, whatever the hour!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Gill
Hi
Were all survivors together, hopefully!

GrumpyRN said...

I heard it years ago from a woman who worked in a Jute mill in Dundee in Scotland. Apparantly her daughter dismissed it as 'mill talk' meaning it was common. Jute mills and Dundee are a whole subject on their own - sadly all gone now and the mills turned into housing although there is a working mill as a museum there called Verdant works.