Friday, 4 December 2009

Good Old November. Grumpy's Alternative News.

We're nearly there, Christmas, seems to have been coming for ever. Not that Santa at a family event in Evesham noticed. 'He was inept, sullen and uncommunicative' said the Evesham Market Town Partnership manager who had set him on. Sounds about right. At least they got their money back. A raffle was held in Kirkham Prison, Lancashire, the main prize being a day out. Great, except that nobody realised most of the prisoners were not eligible. (It is a prison after all.) I hope they also got their money back. Perhaps we're too hard on prisoners nowadays. A trial of a man in Dresden for murder was held up because he was annoyed by newspaper reports and this made him too upset to attend. All say aaah. (He was eventually convicted.) Neither were employees at the Home Office too happy when their 'Winter Games' were moved to a weekend. So no claiming paid leave for this five hour event. What a hard life these Civil Servants lead. Welcome to the real world. I often laugh at the world because the alternative is to cry. I notice the President of the Queen's English Society says he is not a natural speller. Fair enough, neither am I and I taught English for many years. In which case you make a determined effort to get it right. You don't blunder on, oblivious, it's not difficult to get help if you need it. But try telling that to Knowsley council, evidently road sign errors are not their mistakes, but contractors who erected them.
Plus the clock on the bank on the High street in Manningtree, Essex is a brilliant example of slipping standards. (Sent back after repair with numbers in the wrong order, it has been left to serve as a tourist attraction. I wonder if the clock repairer was dyslexic.)
I do wonder at times if the populace is becoming 'thicker'. Too much junk food, perhaps. A robber in Birmingham is now serving thirty months for attacking a security guard and running off with £25,000. The trouble was he only lived five doors from the bank and witnesses saw him run into his house!
Two bank robbers robbed The Halifax of £100,000 in a meticulously planned robbery in Cardiff. The judge sentencing them described it as 'a professional, sophisticated, planned robbery on commercial premises.' Very professional indeed, except for one thing. The car used by the robbers had a personalised number plate, once seen, never forgotten. More important, easily traced. One robber is now serving twelve years, the other eight.One final news item that made me smile. The police in Bolivia issued a photofit of the suspect when a taxi driver was murdered in Santa Cruz. No laughing, please, it's not a laughing matter. But they had the last laugh, they made an arrest. perhaps the suspect, perish the thought, actually looks like his photofit!

42 comments:

GooseBreeder said...

Oh it just gets better!Happy Christmas Ken!

rosiero said...

Just had to comment on your last post. Freddie Frinton's "Dinner for One" is shown every year on German TV at Christmas - a bit like our Morecambe and Wise repeats. The Germans love him!

Molly Potter said...

What a brilliant blog. Could you find me the entertaining bits of the news every day please!

Nota Bene said...

Always amused by your round ups....keep 'em coming!

Troy said...

I must look out for that clock next time I'm in Manningtree which isn't too far away from me. I could always go early evening and spend minus one hour there.

Akelamalu said...

I just read your Sunday Roast interview over at Eddie's and what a fabulous one it was!


I'm so flattered Ken that you mention my Grandmother's biography. I'm not sure if you realise this, so I must point out that it was actually my father who wrote his mother's (my grandmother's) biography. I just typed it all up and managed to publish it for him - it was purely a labour of love for both of us. Thankyou anyway m'dear, I'm so pleased you enjoyed it and if you are thinking of publishing yours on Lulu and I can help in any way just ask. :)

slommler said...

Had to come visit you from the Roast by eddybluelights! Great blog post!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Gaston Studio said...

First let me congratulate you on a fabulous Sunday Roast at Eddie's! I love your responses and decided to come over and visit, then decided to stay!

Secondly, this is a super post and I had to laugh at the thought of offering prisoners a day out (well, maybe if he/she was not a murderer or rapist!), and the poor man who robbed the bank in his own neighborhood!

Jane

Maggie May said...

I came over from Eddie's as I thought your Roast was excellent. Congratulations and I hope you are not too overheated!
I have seen your name all over the place so it is good to have a chance to meet you!

I think the world has gone mad when it comes to prisoner's rights. I think probably I watch too much grumpy old women and maybe I am now considered to be one of them! The whole justice system is in danger of collapsing with political correctness and human rights. There..... you got me grumbling away...... hope you are satisfied!

Nuts in May

A Heron's View said...

When it comes to being 'natural spellers' the fairer sex have the upper hand! The reason being is I suppose is that every woman is by nature a Witch ;-)

Eddie Bluelights said...

Always love the alternative news, Ken.
Also loved the roast - thanks for appearing ~ Eddie

VioletSky said...

I know I don't comment enough, but I do read all your posts!
And you had a good roasting over at Eddie's!
[blush - thanks, awfully much]

Madison said...

Great tips for new bloggers at Eddie's Roast. I'm now a fan.

Life with Kaishon said...

I just read your roast. I loved the picture they posted of you : ) You reminded me of my Pop Pop. I had to come and visit! Nice to meet you! I thought you gave excellent advice about not letting blogging take over your life : ) Very good stuff!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Just stopping by from Eddie Bluelight's. TERRIFIC Sunday Roast. Thanks so much for sharing your blogging insights with us.

I'm enjoying your blog very much and am a Follower. Any friend of Eddie's is a friend of mine! I'll be back again soon.

Happy Holidays,

jj

Mean Mom said...

The world's gone mad! I confess I rather like the clock!

Gill - That British Woman said...

that is so funny, I liked the prison one the best........no the Government Winter Games is so typical of Government workers....


Great post.

Gill in Canada

Expat mum said...

We had an attempted bank robbery last month where the would-be robbers had painted their faces black, with a felt pen. It looked like a three year old had scribbled on their faces. When the police caught them in their getaway car, they still had the pen on. Perhaps they'd used a permanent marker! Bloody idiots.

liZZie said...

Thanks for the larfs... In case you're interested - and it may make you feel more grumpy - I have tagged you in my latest blog post.

fizzycat said...

Fantastic Ken, thanks for the laughs.Another fan of the clock here, not sure if that is a good thing or not.
Great stories,especially the ones about the dozy criminals.
All the best for Christmas and the New Year.

Robert said...

I'm a bit late reading this post, but I'm glad I didn't give it a miss! Great stuff, Ken!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Robert and GooseBreeder
Thanks to you both.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Troy and Meam Mom
Thanks. Glad the clock amused!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Troy and Meam Mom
Thanks. Glad the clock amused!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

rosiero
I wonder what appeals to the Germans concerning Freddie.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Joanne Jenkins
Welcome and thanks.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Molly Potter
Thanks for the kind words,
Nota Bene
Thanks as always.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Slommler
Welcome and thanks.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Gaston Studio
welcome and thanks. If you didn't laugh you'd cry!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Maggie may
Welcome and thanks.
There's nowt wrong in being grumpy occasionally!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

A Heron's View
Hi
Very unusual slant on spelling. I wouldn't dare!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Eddie
Hi and thanks. All power to your elbow.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

VioletSky
Thanks. Always helpful, always nice.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Madison
Thanks and welcome.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Kaishon
Welcome and thanks. What a wonderful name, Pop Pop.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Gill
Thanks. You are obviously still tuned in to the british mentality!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Expat mum
Hi.
My grandson felt tipped his face but he was only three at the time!
Are people born stupid I wonder.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

liZZie
Hi and thanks.
Non too good at the tagging lark but I did my best!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Akelamalu
Your part of the auto was still important otherwise it would never have been finished. Hope to finish mine in 2010. have periods of self doubt but would like to see it completed. Liked the setting out of yours. Might be back one day for advice.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Now have I missed anyone!

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