Sunday, 26 April 2009

April Showers (Grumpy's Alternative News.)

In a month when politicians yet again disgraced themselves with their greed, lies and e-mail shenanigans, stories from the animal kingdom brought welcome respite. Animals are more interesting than politicians anyway.
Take the politician in Poland who criticised his local zoo for acquiring a gay elephant. 'We didn't pay 37 million zlotys building the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there' he is quoted as saying. There is so much you could say on this story, for once I am speechless!
Did you notice the building of three hundred houses in Bristol has been delayed by a colony of slowworms. (A protected legless lizard) A real go slow I reckon. Go slow, get it. Oh, please yourself!
I also noticed scientists in Dubai have created the first cloned camel. The obvious question is why? Named Injaz, evidently its mother was slaughtered for meat in 2005. Its enough to give you the hump! Mind you, not everyone has kind feelings towards our four legged friends. A French bus driver in Berlin, Christina Pommerel was suspended for stopping to save a frog from getting squashed by her double decker bus. Irate passengers said her actions made them late. What miserable people. I hope the next bus drives straight past their queue!
Luckier was a giant lobster in Oxford University named Don, (weight 7lbs 7ounces, almost the same as my new grandson, Ted, but not half as handsome.) He, Don, not Ted was rehoused in the Blue Reef Aquarium, Southsea after outgrowing his tank. Presumably after six years in Oxford he is now a PHD. (Perfectly Happy Don.) I know, I know, it gets worse!
Plus Peta, the animal rights group showed us its heart is in the right place. They urged the Pet Shop Boys to change their names to the Rescue Shelter Boys to help in the fight against animal cruelty. They, Peta suggested it might encourage fans to consider giving a home to an abandoned animal from an animal shelter. The Pet Shop Boys were not unsympathetic but suggested they leave them alone and go and bother the Artic Monkeys instead.
I noticed Courtney Love was in the news and I must confess I had to look up exactly who she is. Evidently removal men packing her belongings threw out a dead bird in a matchbox. Which was a pity as it was an £8,000 work by the artist Polly Morgan. A replacement had to be sent (presumably at the same price), good business for the artist.
Notice how the moment humans are involved things tend to go wrong. A life size statue of a reclining horse, value £200,000 by Dame Elizabeth Frink is an object of rare beauty. Unfortunately one has gone missing from a gated property in Surrey. Stolen almost certainly by men in a Land Rover, its scrap value will, alas, be far short of £200,000. The police spokesman's comments that the vehicle 'caused a substantial amount of damage to the lawn' suggests he was more of a gardener than an art connoisseur.
Finally a real treat. Richard Lavelle, aged eighty has trained visiting foxes to beg for food on their nightly visits. Well done Mr Lavelle, you brightened a somewhat dour month. The gentleman in question lives approximately half a mile from where I am typing this blog. I have no doubt his foxes visit my garden (there are at least seven foxes.) The RSPCA put a dampener on events, pontificating, 'They could easily become dependent on you, then what happens when you move away?' Oh for goodness sake, lighten up, RSPCA. I reckon if all else fails these foxes (video) will form a group and go busking in town.

10 comments:

Annette said...

That really gets up your goat, doesn't it?
(geddit??)

Shweta said...

Extemely interesting, sir.

"Animals are more interesting than politicians anyway"...this couldn't have been more correct.

Granny on the Web said...

Hear Hear! and again, Hear Hear!

Very interesting Ken.
Love Granny

Kit Courteney said...

Excellent post!

A breath of fresh air amongst all this rain we're getting in the south... grrr...

dabrah said...

I have to confess you made me laugh. I wonder what food that man was giving to the fox. It looked like it could be bits of chicken... or even bread.

Barnacle Bill said...

Thanks for the smile Ken.

HER ON THE HILL said...

How, exactly, do you ascertain that an elephant is gay??

I knew I could rely on you to brighten a dull dank day...!

Troy said...

I think if the foxes have managed to train one human to feed them then will be able to train others likewise.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Annette
very witty. worse even than mine!

Shweta

I take it you are an animal lover. Excellent.

Granny

Thanks
The proper news is terrible, is it not!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Kit
Just been up north (Leyburn) Lovely but freezing!

dabrah
Hi and thanks for the comments and visit. Not sure about the food. You dont think they are foxes Glacier Mints? (sorry!)

Bill

Hi and thanks for the comments as always.

Her on the Hill

The very same point occured to me. Perhaps we had better not enquire too closely!

Troy

Good point. I wonder if they do the rounds.